Dorienne's Log

Some time last night my Beta fish I had had for almost two years, Bartleby, died. Apathy followed not because “it’s just a fish,” but mostly because I felt everyone in the world would think such. It wasn’t until earlier this morning that I realized how often I unconsciously looked over at his bowl and smiled by seeing him and a real sadness overtook me….

This morning, I had an appointment with this “therapy” thing OSU offers….complete waste of time. I went with the hopes of getting info on how to stop procrastinating and tips on making myself a better person. I could teach a class on what must be done to be a “perfect” student, accomplishing such is the real trick. I left the office angry at losing that time I will never get back again, and once I got home (and glanced once again at the fish I took for granted), tears fell. Not for a long time, just long enough for me to come to realization that I’m all alone in this world. Though not actually; there are friends and family and what not, but to know that there’s no one in the world I can talk to about what truly ails me is quite the tearful thought.

**sigh**

Tonight, I will give Bartleby the second (the first died tragically two months after I brought him home) a proper flushing and tomorrow I will attempt to find a Bartleby the third who resembles the second enough to make me forget that anything went wrong today….at least, that is the hope…

Bye Bye Bartleby Irving Trish Fish II (April 2004 – February 2006)