Tag: bible


The Potter’s House

March 20th, 2011 — 11:57pm

I wasn’t actually listening to the song tonight as I wrote but I thought the title fitting for this post. I’ve always adored the song because the lyrics just help me see that there’s always “someone” to help me in dire matters:

Verse 1:
In case you have fallen by the wayside of life;
dreams and visions shattered, You’re all broken inside.
You don’t have to stay in the shape that you’re in;
the potter wants to put you back together again,
oh, the potter wants to put you back together again.

Verse 2:
In case your situation has turned upside down,
and all that you’ve accomplished, is now on the ground.
You don’t have to stay in the shape that you’re in;
the potter wants to put you back together again,
oh, the potter wants to put you back together again.

Chorus:
You who are broken, stop by the potter’s house.
You who need mending, stop by the potter’s house;
give Him the fragments of your broken life,
my friend, the potter wants to put you back together again,
oh, the potter wants to put you back together again

Vamp:
Joy in the potter’s house.
Peace in the potter’s house.
Love in the potter’s house.
There is salvation in the potter’s house.
There is healing in the potter’s house.
There is deliverance in the potter’s house.
You’ll find everything you need in the potter’s house.

Ending:
The potter wants to put you back together again,
oh, the potter wants to put you back together again.

I went to church today and even got there a little earlier than I have in the past and I realized that when I’m struggling and depressed, for some reason the last thing I ever think of is turning to prayer to help “put me back together again.” I have my little prayers throughout the day or if I’m ever contemplating that one day, I’m going to die and transform into another state of energy and existence, but when I’m in most need of real, focused prayer, my mind is on everything else. I can never sit down and really think things through and have a full “conversation” with God to guide me through the frustration.

However, this is really just a personality flaw in that I hate asking for help…from anyone and this is the reason why it is important that I always attend church and make Sundays a day of rest. It’s only by going to “the potter’s house” that I feel complete again and can see everyone of my struggles and troubles in the proper light. I’m not sensible enough to pray the way I need to when I need to, so I need to go somewhere specific to forcibly give my thoughts the clarity needed to make strong decisions and still remain a child of God.

My struggles with first-job: totally insignificant. My priorities true priorities have not changed since before my career began to make these upward strides and I know I can’t allow first-job to deter me from them. I need to get back into the Word and read like I want to learn again and I need to shift my focus on being the writer I want to be. I’ve got too many distractions swimming around me and as hard as it is to say it, I’ve got too many “worldly” people in who I turn to instead of turning to prayer.

I wrote 305 words today (last words:then itโ€™s one less thing you have to worry about) and every one of them was made only by the grace of God. I need to remember this every time I write and I need to renew my focus on not just getting through this era of my life as I march onward to my life goals, but to march onward as a Christian. So, I’m going to take the fragments of my broken life and hand them to the Potter because only He can put me back together again and make me Dorienne I’m meant to be.

1 comment » | Jesus, On Me, Writing

Why is there suffering?

October 29th, 2010 — 1:54pm

Everyday I get up and read about some new catastrophe that has befallen the world. Cholera, tsunamis, murder, rape, war…It gets to the point where I become apathetic about it. With all the evil that exists in this world, people (mostly Christians) get asked where God is amongst all this tragedy. A question long asked of me by agnostics and atheists is, if God is loving, merciful and just, why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?

I return this with a separate question: Where in the bible do you read that this world would not have suffering or pain?

God is merciful and loving, but He is also just.

This world is full of evil things and sinful people; as people are on the whole evil (think of what you would do if you knew you would never get caught and never had to deal with any comeuppance).

Since this world is evil and sinful, there will be pestilence and pain, suffering, heartache, rain. The strong will prey upon the weak and the rich ignore the poor. The unsaved will gallivant around in Porsche’s and limousines while the saved watch their children die because they cannot afford the health care needed to give them a simple shot. That is the nature of this world because this world is filled with sin.

So, if one were to look only about this Earth and try to find God’s goodness and greatness and mercy, one would be sorely displeased. That is not to say there is not grace and beauty in this world, but it is often overshadowed by the dark, dark sin.

God’s mercy and love, does not come from Earthly goods and desires. You are thinking and speaking of a being that exists outside the confines of space, time, matter and energy. How can you equate all of His wonder to that which you can see and touch? God’s mercy and love comes from the fact that, though we are sinful and evil creatures amongst whom even the holiest of holy are conceived in sin and bear the sins of Adam, God still loves us enough to allow us to come home into his heaven.

He loves us enough to allow His Son to bear the penalty of our sins (which is death), and allow us to be at peace. What we deserve is eternal damnation, but we have the opportunity to receive life everlasting.

He is merciful enough to leave us with a Comforter on this Earth. As we walk about and live in this sinful world, the catastrophes and the discord can leave us weak and weary and unwilling to go forward, but…

God leaves us with the Comforter, who gives us strength and keeps us calm throughout the stormy sins of ourselves and our brethren.

God is just. The sinful can and will flourish on this Earth, but everyone dies and at death begins the judgment. “For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

God is!

God is loving, merciful and just in more ways than we deserve…He simply is.

This is not to say that when you see catastrophe in the world that you should turn a blind eye and say everything will be sorted in the next life. Good people should still seek to do all the good they can do in the world. My point is that God’s existence should not be questioned simply because bad things happen in this world.

When you look at the blessings of the beautiful things that thrive despite the evil of this world: children laughing, dawn, births and weddings, smiles and hugs and love, you can find it fascinating that anyone could doubt that God not only exists, but that He touches each of our lives, regardless if we heed His word.

Fun reading: http://www.old-wizard.com/ten-dumb-things-people-say-about-religion

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Obligatory New Year’s post

January 1st, 2009 — 1:09pm

According to this article, making New Year’s resolutions often do more harm than good. What people mostly experience is that they can never live up to the high expectations they set for themselves and become depressed and embittered as the year continues because they fell off this bandwagon or went right back to doing what they had resolved to no longer do. I am quite guilty of making resolutions without having the resolve, willpower, whatever to stick to them and this year I just said, “To heck with it.”

My mother always told me the superstition regarding how one brings in the new year. Essentially, how you bring in the year is how you will live the year. In some regards, this is true. For example, I rang in 2005 drunk, a little depressed and drinking with people I really didn’t like and most of my year was spent drunk, a little depressed and around people I just wanted to punch in the face. On the other hand, I rang in 2006, not wanting to spend another New Year’s in some bar surrounded by people I didn’t like, in the church and ended up joining the church and discovering how awesome God is.

In most cases, though, this idea is all superstition and completely false. Every year since I can remember, I have spent the majority of December 31st cleaning like mad to make sure the house/apartment/townhouse/whatever was as clean as possible to ring in the new year and every year since I can remember, the house/apartment/townhouse/whatever ended up just as dirty throughout the year as it was on December 30th.

This year, rather than say, “Hurray! A new year! Let me make all these resolutions I’ll never stick to and such!” I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing; that is, going for my major goals. The house is a mess right now, but to be honest, cleaning it up on one night was not going to keep it clean all year. I have to be in the mindset to keep it clean daily. I don’t weigh what I want right now, but I’m very healthy and if I keep eating how I should and exercising regularly, my body will adapt. After all, I didn’t put on the weight in a week, so I can’t possibly expect it to come off in a week either. My novel is still not complete, but if I just keep writing something every day my ultimate goal of having a novel published by 9/26/2010 will get accomplished.

I still went to church tonight to ring in my new year, but I also still made sure my daily chapter of the Bible got read and I am still going to do my stomach crunches and light lifting before I go to sleep. There really is no difference between 12/31/08 and 1/1/09; I’m still going to keep doing Dorienne and still strive for my goals. Or, like my pastor often says, I’m going to remember to keep the main thing, the main thing. ๐Ÿ˜€

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Ugh…people

July 17th, 2007 — 4:01pm

I was actually in a happy mood until about three minutes ago, during which time I had to go through pages and pages of spam on my blog. What is it with spammers? What is to be gained by spamming people? The comments go unread and nothing is accomplished. At least with viruses there is the satisfaction that you ruined an unsuspecting person’s machine or with phish, where there is some monetary gain to be had. Spam is just mind-boggling for me…anyway.

My English class is going well, eerily well, it feels. I think I had just grown so accustomed to performing poorly in my classes that I don’t know to feel after coming from an exam with a positive feeling. I have found a new love…well, love is a bit much, but oh well…for Shakespeare. Othello has me frightfully intrigued in every way possible. I have not liked a work this much since reading Fried Green Tomatoes at Whistle Stop Cafe for the first time, however, I feel a bit daunted over the aspect of having to go through some of his historical pieces. I see myself being extremely bored throughout, but I will try to approach the plays with an open mind. I mean, if he wrote them, there had to be some significant story to be told, so there is a possibility that I might just love them. Who knows?

There are so many things I want to do with this life and there simply does not seem to be enough time. I want to write, design websites for every show and book I’ve ever loved, play my sims, write and publish sims stories on my sites, learn to play piano, play the piano, plant trees, knit sweaters, play ddr, go running, write in my blog, implement flash on my church website, be at church, know the Bible, learn some aspects about the Torah, organize all my videos, rip all my shows and movies to my computer, make YouTube videos, watch videos, make up with old friends, contact even older ones, make new friends, be an inspiration to someone somewhere at sometime…

Sigh. There’s just so much to do and there’s no time to do it. That’s the depressing part.

Flight is officially a monster of a book. At 337 pages and more than 177K words, I am wondering just how big it will get. This “part” of the book is moving along in weird spurts of inspiration. I’ll be in the moment and write like crazy and then I get to a point where I just want to scrap the whole thing like I did today with a poem I was attempting to write. I was going on and on about being black instead of an African American and I, quite literally, dragged my pen across the paper and groaned about how ignorant I was sounding. I know what I want to say, and there are times when I think I can communicate those words best through, but I just can’t seem to cut it when it comes to poetry. It sometimes seems like the harder I try, the worst it all sounds. I can hear myself struggling as I re-read the crap…but the fanfic is going as well as it can.

Adventures in Vegetarianism #7
Five months into this, I am still going strong. There are days when it seems almost like second nature, as if I’ve always been living this way. Then, there are others, when all I want to do chow down on chili dogs or grinders, but those days are few and far between. The main thing, however, is that being a full-fledged vegetarian is accomplishing the goal I have set out to do. Slowly, but surely, I have managed to shed ten pounds. Not a huge improvement seeing as how I’ve got so far to go, but the fact is, the scale is going down instead of up for the first time since I was fifteen. I plan on taking my measurements again in another week to see if I’ve made any improvements, but I am astounded how I can eat what I want and just exclude meat, and still get the same results I want. Someone once told me that losing the meat caused the pounds to come off, but I did not believe it as they were wearing a PETA shirt at the time, but now, I do wonder.

What I like about being a vegetarian is the change in me. I feel better and people tell me I look better, too. All in all, I feel like a healthier person and my mother has now dropped meat from her diet. At this rate, PETA might stop eating meat altogether, however, nothing will make me give up cheese. I won’t eat the animal, but cheese, all kinds, is a special treat for me and nothing could make me drop. My body withstands it even through violent lactose intolerance, and yet I still keep going. Oh well. I suppose I should not say what I will and will not do because three years ago, I knew I would never be pro-life and I knew I would never understand why people gave ten percent of their livelihood to the church and so on. God only knows what I’ll know tomorrow.

And, speaking of my Almighty, a year after winning from the church, I finally got my piano. I am so excited by it, I could just scream. There are five broken keys, but I don’t play anywhere near well-enough for those to matter for a bit. I am just so excited to have one that’s all mine and I practice upon until the wee hours of the night. I just love the idea of either getting lessons for it or simply teaching myself how to play. I told my mother that this could be my birthday present because it is simply outstanding. I know I will have years of fun and (to be a bit melodramatic) peace with this instrument and it gets me excited again just thinking about the fact that it sits downstairs waiting for me.

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Anniversary!

May 13th, 2007 — 10:34pm

It’s my one-year anniversary of joining my church! I’m so glad I wrote about it here. I don’t think I’ve written it anywhere else, so it’s important to nail down the date because it gives me a point from which I can measure my walk. The exact date is May 14th, but I’m excited about it nonetheless. My mother marveled about it, saying that I had done more in our church during one year than others have done in entire lifetimes, which fascinates me. But, looking back over this past year, I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

Sunday School today was very interesting. It was just me and one student, but we had a very good conversation about the text and about religion altogether. At one point we started talking about gays, and I started to feel the strain of my “old self” and my “new self.” My old self thought of gays and thought, “Okay, to each his own.” however, my new self knows what it says in the Bible and knows what is believed whole-heartedly by all those around me, so the “To each his own” idea just no longer seems appropriate. But still…I’ve learned so much through Sunday School and by teaching and what I’ve learned most more than anything throughout all these texts is that as a Christian, I must love everyone, regardless of their sins because I too am just a big a sinner as the next person.

One of the most poignant things I’ve learned is that sin is sin in God’s eyes. The liar and the murderer have done equal sins; it’s just Man who has made these divisions within sin. Albeit, one could argue that a murder could have a far larger impact on the lives of those around the affected individuals than would a “little white lie,” but the fact remains that sin is sin. I’ve told lies in the past and I’ll undoubtedly tell more before my end. On the subject of gays, I think to myself, “How dare I pass judgment on them, when I’ve sinned too.” and then there’s the idea that even though I may not be able to change how they think, I still don’t have to agree with it. As a Christian, I can be civil with all people, because in God’s eyes, I am no different. My only hope is that with prayer, that they can have salvation and won’t have to suffer the white gates.

I’m not running around with the “I don’t care what you do” mentality any longer, but I’m still nowhere near actually looking down on someone or treating them relatively different because they believe something other than I would believe. As ludicrous as it sounds, I think the Libra in me finds it unfair that I would look down on gays because they don’t follow the Bible, but not look down upon Jews or Hindus or anyone else as well. I’m not willing to take the plunge, so it feels wrong to even take that first step.

Sigh…

On a less melodramatic note, Flight is coming along well. It’s about 80,000 words currently and I’m about in the middle of the first “part,” but I’ve hit a bit of stall. The storyline needs to be changed slightly and I know it will take some time for me to correct what needs to be changed. My hope is that this doesn’t derail me from writing because I’ve been going on at a pretty good clip for a while now, writing at every chance I get.

I’m practically counting down the days before they put up another roadblock for me in regards to writing at work. As long as I have the will, there will always be a way, but it’s that nerve-racking feeling wondering when they’ll pull in the ropes. I won’t be telling anyone, this time, how I’ve been updating my novel, as the last time I spoke up, my primary means of editing was shut down. Hopefully, that will buy me some time. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong, but I know somehow, someway, it’ll seem “unproductive” or something when someone looks at my, for lack of a better word, talent, and feels somehow undercut.

It doesn’t matter though. If they cut me off electronically, they can’t prevent me from bringing pen and paper to work and writing the old fashion way. I’d to have to resort back to that since I’ve just now gotten over my lack electronic creativity phobia, but I’ll do what I have to do.

Adventures in Vegetarianism #6
On this 13th day of the month of May, I begin my 13th week of vegetarianism and things couldn’t be going better. Today, I went to dinner with my parents and I barely even considered looking at any dishes with meat. I’ve also decided that I’m not going to be eating fast food this month, which makes the veggie thing all the more easy. Not visiting Wendy’s for even french fries, allays the craving that comes after gazing at the #6 option while at the drive-thru. I’m finally looking at this as a normal part of my life, rather than something I’m just doing for the time being. I’ve even lost all cravings for chicken and I can’t even remember what red meat tastes like. It’s a very cool feeling.

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So, I’m going to be a teacher

December 5th, 2006 — 9:58am

I suppose it’s never enough to simply come to church and live a good life. There’s always more to do and quite honestly I can’t say that I have ever had a reason for not doing more…except sheer laziness, but I am working on that.
They’ve, they being the church, has asked me to be a Sunday School teacher. I will be starting out with younger kids and maybe teach some of the older kids and adult classes later. I have to say, though, I am more than intimidated. On Sunday, Pastor asked the question: “Who believes every word of this book?” (this book being the Bible) I didn’t raise my hand when, literally, all those around me did. Why? Because I don’t. I haven’t yet read it from Genesis to Revelation, so how can I say that I believe in something in a book that I haven’t read? It would be the worst of lies and I figured if there was any place that I shouldn’t be lying, it would be while sitting in church on a Sunday morning. And now, I feel perplexed. A part of me, a rather large part of me, wonders if I should be teaching Sunday School since I have so much to learn already. But, I suppose I will learn more about the word of God by teaching it than I ever would just coming to Sunday School and Bible Study.

I got up early today so I could have more time in my day to waste and also make sure that I’ve read next Sunday’s lesson for tonight at our teacher’s meeting. Hopefully, I won’t end up wasting the rest of today….

On Saturday, I went to the church business meeting just to see what went on during it. The pastor announced the positions of leadership held in the church and I can only imagine the surprise on my face when he announced that I, I, would be a Sunday School secretary. I think it was more because I just happened to be in his line of sight when he came to the Sunday School secretaries, but I’m still shocked. I’ve, literally, just joined the church and now I’m about to hold a position there. It’s been less than seven months and here I am. It’s such a contrast to last year; it’s astonishing! On Sunday, the kids were singing and I was just happy to be there that it got me thinking, “What was I doing on Sunday mornings before now?” It’s actually hard for me to remember. Really, it is. I want to say that I was probably recovering from the previous night, but I haven’t been out “partying” in so long that I can’t even say that that’s what I did on Sundays. It’s weird: I was in full college, party-girl mode as of my birthday last year and then I just got tired of all of it. Then, I all but stopped drinking and then I ended up joining my church…? It’s puzzling. I guess Jesus does work in mysterious ways….

So, I’m going to be a teacher. I can only say that I’ll try my best.

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I’m trying, but it feels fake….why?

June 13th, 2006 — 9:18pm

I was telling one of my roommates about this past Sunday’s church service and I began to feel strained. I was yearning to ask her to come to a service, since the words of pastor about when was the last time any of our congregation asked a ‘white brother or sister’ to our service were still fresh in my head, but I did not. I already knew the answer, but I felt strained, compelled almost to ask anyway, most likely because it was the right thing to do, but still….

There is a part of me that feels like all this is maybe happening too fast, that if I were to even suggest that she come to church with me, that it would seem fake. Why? It’s not; it shouldn’t be. I am not doing this for anyone, and yet the idea of becoming a witness feels fake. It’s times like these that I wish I knew my Bible better. Maybe then, I could find something, read something that would make me feel better.

For that matter, I would simply like to find the Bible my grandmother gave to me so many years ago. It had sat, unused and unloved for ages, and now that I truly need and want it, I cannot find it. I’ve been bringing the Precious Moments Bible given to me when I was in Sunday school when I was about seven at Mt. Olivet. It’s the New King James Version and I feel like I’m old enough to have a ‘normal’ Bible. I’ve searched my room, my car, all through my room at my mother’s house, where I discovered that I’d done something with the Women’s Bible my father had given me ages ago too.

This has just now got me thinking….what have I been doing these past few years? What was going through my mind that I might have tossed out that Women’s Bible in some random haste to remove clutter? I would never have considered tossing one of my ‘precious’ The X-Files tapes, even though I never watch them and they are probably in need of being tossed. However, when it came to a Bible given to me from my father, I was only too quick, I guess, to give it away or throw it away or whatever.

I think that if I could just find the Bible my grandmother gave me, I’d feel better. Even if I didn’t know where to go to find something helpful, at least I would have SOME source to which I could refer.

I just now remembered I post I had made a year and a half ago in another blog (http://kaitco.blogspot.com/):

Friday, October 29, 2004

Pepsi’s log…

Two weeks ago, after finishing a 12-pack of Pepsi in less than five days and realizing just how much sugar I’d consumed in that time, I decided that my addiction had taken a new hold and it was time for a change. Thus, I began the “no-Pepsi” era of my life and I’ll see if this lasts at least until December….

So, tonight while watching an ER re-run, I was suddenly overrun by the urge to drink my third Pepsi of the day. Mind you, I’ve already had a breakdown in the “no-Pepsi” era of my life, by having two today and there I was craving a third. I tried to not think about, I drank water, I had a push-up pop, and yet the craving raged on. And then I looked to the small green Bible given to me by the creepy little man handing out Bibles on campus the other day for solace in my Pepsi temptation. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly, but to no surprise, I got nothing from reading passages on temptation in the Bible. After agonizing over the thought that I will never get back those five minutes I spent reading that damn Bible, the urge subsided and I’m happy to say, I’m back on track, so to speak. But then again I do wonder…..Perhaps reading that little Bible did work. Hmm……

I think I’ve been so caught up in the meaningless dribble of pretending that all those who turned to their Bibles when in times of trouble were stupid and ignorant of how the world worked, that I let myself be devoured by my own misery. I look at the words I’d written so long ago and I can see it. He had been calling and I simply chose to ignore it. Of all the things I’ve undertaken (if that’s proper English, and I know it’s not) in my life, this feels the best of all, mostly because I know that there’s no need to find another ‘obsession’ and that this one will not let me down. It was like during Freshman year when I’d lost my cross: I had been telling myself that I was technically not a Christian, but wore my cross all the time. Why? Because deep down in my heart, I knew that I could not live without feeling that Jesus, God if you will, was not by my side. When I lost my cross, everything in my life seemed to be going down in flames. I cried all the time, simply wallowing in my own despair. Nothing seemed like it was going right. When I got a new one, the world seemed brighter, birds were singing, children laughing….everything was right again. Last year, I lost my cross again, but depression did not follow. Why? Perhaps because I was already beginning this process, this journey, and I knew that I had nothing to fear.

I have to leave now, but I reminiscing just now has got me remembering the absolute hatred I had for a girl I knew while still in the dorms. I think I’ve come to that point in my life where I am strong enough to actually admit that half the reason I could not stand the sight of her was because she was keen on Jesus and happy all the time because of it. I was jealous that I did not have that same love in my heart. Mind you, this girl said and did MANY things that prove that she did not truly ‘believe’ as much as she wanted people to think she did, but at least now I’ve come to terms with all of that…

I think I feel fake when I try to be a witness because of all the people I know who are ‘witnesses’ everyday, but really are not. They say PTL – Praise the Lord – to everyone they know, but put down people when they are high and never have respect for those who think differently than they. They attend church every Sunday, carry a Bible in their cars, but sleep around with two, three, and even four different people at one time, without a second thought. I see them and see that they are false, and I can’t help thinking that if I open my mouth, I will seem just as false. I suppose I can only try to be the best Christian that I can be and pray that Jesus help all those who proclaim they love Him and His word without really meaning it; all those who say they believe in the Word, but hate those who are not Christians, or do not look or speak like they do; all those who say they believe without ever once asking themselves if they truly believe it….

At least on Xanga, I’m not afraid to say, “I love Jesus.”

….it kind of brings a tear to my eye.

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Pepsi’s log…

October 29th, 2004 — 1:38am

Two weeks ago, after finishing a 12-pack of Pepsi in less than five and realizing just how much sugar I’d consumed in that time, I decided that my addiction had taken a new hold and it was time for a change. Thus, I began the “no-Pepsi” era of my life and I’ll see if this lasts at least until December….

So, tonight while watching an ER re-run, I was suddenly overrun by the urge to drink, my third Pepsi of the day. Mind you, I’ve already had a breakdown in the “no-Pepsi” era of my life, by having two today and there I was craving a third. I tried to not think about, I drank water, I had a push-up pop, and yet the craving raged on. And then I looked to the small green Bible given to me by the creepy little man handing out Bibles on campus the other day for solace in my Pepsi temptation. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly, but to no surprise, I got nothing from reading passages on temptation in the Bible. After agonizing over the thought that I will never get back those five minutes I spent reading that damn Bible, the urge subsided and I’m happy to say, I’m back on track, so to speak. But then again I do wonder…..Perhaps reading that little Bible did work. Hmm……

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