Dorienne's Log

Peter Boyle died yesterday and, like all deaths, it got me thinking. I did some pondering here: http://www.tv.com/users/kaitco/profile.php, but I feel more is needed.

When Jerry Orbach died, I had a constant stream of e-mails and instant messages from all the people who knew just how much I cherished Law & Order. What was so strange for me, was that for several days after hearing the news, I felt sort of…empty, like something wasn’t right in my world. I wanted to openly mourn him, but I felt I couldn’t or shouldn’t because I didn’t actually know him. I just saw him on television and thought he was great at his job. Eventually, while driving to work one day, everything just spilled over and I started sobbing in my car. Can you imagine it? Sobbing over someone I’d never met. I cried for him and for his family, but mostly, as I believe with hindsight, I cried for myself. With every death I see around me, I feel it coming ever closer. While I am a Christian and have the profound belief that death is, indeed, only the beginning, I cannot help fathom the sorrow and desperation surround death. Surrounding the unknown.

But more on what got me thinking today, was the death of a beloved celebrity. Everyone, everyone has a date with destiny, even those who have entertained us for years. I think of the stars who have entertained, mesmerized and shaped me, through their performances, into the person I am today, and I am filled with wonder. What will I do, how will I feel when Reginald Veljohnson or Kellie Shangyne Williams pass on into another life? My childhood was spent watching them and I feel that they are such a part of me…I don’t know it just doesn’t seem like I could imagine reading a BBC news post about their deaths. Even worse, Gillian Anderson. Good God! Her character, literally, is one of the reasons I am the way I am today. Hearing of her death….I would most likely need to take time for myself; time to truly mourn, like I’d lost a member of my own family. (and now all this has got me thinking about my beloved grandmother and how my own time is coming too…sigh)

It’s so weird, to know that I’ll miss someone I will never meet. I will never meet Peter Boyle, but I loved everything he did. I watch Everybody Loves Raymond nearly every night; it’s on for an hour in my town. I watched Taxi Driver not too long ago. I just don’t know. I guess…just my thoughts and prayers go out to him and his family. Cancer. At 71. Doesn’t seem right; now that I think of it, neither does death.