Dorienne's Log

It’s always nice to have a brand new obsession, my new one being X-Men. I’ve already made plans to create a dedication website. I simply cannot stop watching….the episodes are running on Play-All and I can’t even get up for long enough to do anything while watching television. It supersedes my Sims….it’s wonderful! I can’t get enough of the story lines and the fact that I’ve realized what is wrong with today’s kids: they are all idiots because the cartoons they watch never contain anything resembling a plot. The show has the most incredible on-going story line and makes me want to get into comic book collecting, but that is for another day…

Must type quickly….obsessions rising like crazy…I’ve listened to Lately, both by Stevie Wonder and Jodeci about 30 times a piece and all this happened in one night…there is an X-Men obsession growing and growing. I know this will probably go the way of my Star Wars obession, but this is awakening a very deep and very old obsession stemming back to before I even realized I had this problem. It was just the idea of reading up on Wolverine and Storm…I got that excitement that only comes with a new obession. It is only because I’ve just watched the last X-Men movie and that is always the stem of this sort of thing….

Okay, for some reason this damn keyboard has decided that it does not want to continue typing properly, so I will end…

There’s always stuff, so much stuff to do (God, I’m hungry). I have to clean and do laundry and write my paper and this and that and the fricken list goes on forever. Now, it feels like there’s no way I can procrastinate; I think I haven’t the motivation to procrastinate. I have hit an all-time low.What can I do? People still piss me off; everyday I feel like I would be so much happier if I did not have anyone at all in my life. I cannot accomplish any of my goals.

Maybe I have too many? Maybe I’m just trying to aim too high? Eyes bigger than my stomach, and so on (I really wish I had cake).

Time to write, something, anything. I just need to start something. I’ve got nothing really to say, I just feel the depression coming and it makes it so difficult to breathe…

I’ve been wataching The Simpsons for almost seven days straight and I’ve realized what an incredible show it is. There really hasn’t been a dip in quality whatsoever; kind of interesting that way.

I wish I had the initiative to write something a little more interesting. I want to write, but I also just want sit here and play The Sims…..

Barely the energy to type…..

Looking back at past entries, I feel the pressure rising. I’ve got just five days to complete something that should have been done long ago. I want to do it, I’m just so lazy….

I am going to go running today, sometime around four probably or just later then. EGB nonsense will be going crazy tonight and I don’t know if I want to be tired from a run or not.

I’ve been playing Final Fantasy VIII on my playstation and I’m not sure if I’m becoming obsessive compulsive or if I’ve got it under control. I want to play now, but need to write. Question is whether or not I can stop playing once I stop. There’s so much to do today and so much that needs to be accomplished; really accomplished, for the good of my life!

I’ve already wasted the day sleeping, but I’ve really been needing this. I haven’t even had the opportunity……..

I’ve been interrupted by old friends. Time to do other things in life.

Yay! Chicken Little finally got kicked off American Idol!
Sigh…my life is yielding one disappointment after another.
Yay! Marriage is not the reason for it!
Sigh…there’s so much to do and I don’t want to do any of it; ever.

If I told this series of emotions to a psychiatrist, he or she would begin reaching for the prescription pad. This isn’t normal, but I can’t help the way I think and feel. One minute, everything is cool and the next, I am nearing a nervous disorder.

Yay! I am watching X-Files while I type.
Sigh…I feel too tired to write.
Yay! The week is almost over.
Sigh…another moment closer toward the end of a life that may never be remembered and the world would have been the same whether or not I had lived….

Even though I have been nagged and emotionally harassed over the past couple of days, I feel like today has been a good day. I have validated a lot of code on several of my pages, watched nothing but old Daria episodes all day and now I about to go shopping for containers to store my old tapes, because I truly adore organizing things and I could not imagine anything better than organizing hundreds of tapes.

I am also going to make some things for my mum’s birthday tomorrow and buy her some fun things too. No mall shopping necessary; just a few stores that I have to drive to here and there.

It may be a good day afterall.

I have studied more in the past 48 hours than I ever have at any point in my collegiate career. I may still fail my exam tomorrow, but at least I can say that I did give it my all. I find it interesting that I can study and make all this progress on my website at the same time….it just goes to show…..what I cannot say, but I am sure it shows something.

Time to turn off the old Daria episodes and go back to the grind.

Oh, and I am graduating whenever now instead of summer….I suppose that will be all right in the end….?

Two weeks ago, after finishing a 12-pack of Pepsi in less than five and realizing just how much sugar I’d consumed in that time, I decided that my addiction had taken a new hold and it was time for a change. Thus, I began the “no-Pepsi” era of my life and I’ll see if this lasts at least until December….

So, tonight while watching an ER re-run, I was suddenly overrun by the urge to drink, my third Pepsi of the day. Mind you, I’ve already had a breakdown in the “no-Pepsi” era of my life, by having two today and there I was craving a third. I tried to not think about, I drank water, I had a push-up pop, and yet the craving raged on. And then I looked to the small green Bible given to me by the creepy little man handing out Bibles on campus the other day for solace in my Pepsi temptation. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly, but to no surprise, I got nothing from reading passages on temptation in the Bible. After agonizing over the thought that I will never get back those five minutes I spent reading that damn Bible, the urge subsided and I’m happy to say, I’m back on track, so to speak. But then again I do wonder…..Perhaps reading that little Bible did work. Hmm……