Dorienne's Log

I’ve been in a weird place mentally these past few days. I’ll say mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Most of this I’ll attribute to the fact that the book is done and I’m trying to remember who I was and what I did before delving so wholly into the book. A week later, it is still difficult. I’ve got about nine or ten beta readers and now I’m just playing the waiting game and resisting the urge to PM, IM or e-mail every single one of them everyday just to see how it is going. Perhaps so much of my psyche is being spent trying to keep that OCD down that everything else is coming out that would normally be held in check.

I told one of my students to “shut up” after she said a sardonic comment. It was meant in good fun and she laughed about it, but I’m still shocked that it came out like that. I hadn’t meant to say it, but it just fell out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Yesterday, I said something else that was pretty mean without even thinking about it. Again, it just fell out before I could stop myself.

Maybe my “body, mind and soul” are all in recovery after the book. I have handwritten two previous to this one, but neither was anywhere near the length of Flight and I completed them over the course of several years. This time around I wrote nearly 400K words in close to eight months. This last month took a lot out of me and I am still stewing in the consequences. It even threw me off cycle, which had been going like clockwork…

Life slowly, but surely falling back into a place, yet every once in a while I find myself asking “Well, now what do I do?” I suppose it will all work out in the end, but I hope that I can get through this lull without anymore not-so-Christian outbursts.

Now, I’m not one for the l337, but seriously, wtf?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7023245.stm

I mean honestly! These women are not just nuns, but nuns held in the highest regard. Why was this even allowed to happen? I don’t think I’ve disliked anyone enough to start scratching them in the face. These are supposed to be godly women! Married to God, and so on and so forth! It’s just so aggravating! No wonder there are so many atheists and agnostics in the world. If women who are supposed to be devoting their every thought to Jesus break down into Maury Povich-ish “I’m gonna get that bitch”-mode, then what does that say about the rest of us?

My pastor constantly says that not everyone who goes to church is on their way to heaven and this really makes me consider that comment. I mean honestly! These women are supposed to be Godly and they can drop all inhibitions and start duking it out just like hoodrats in the street. This is a dark day for the church, and I’m not even Catholic, but I’m looking to the pope to make some kind of comment about this.

I’ve just now finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, almost exactly 48 hours after getting it from the very same Barnes and Noble where I purchased Order of the Phoenix a month and four years ago. I think I should be feeling like something truly significant has happened in my life, having completed the entire series, yet I feel more or less, like I do after reading any other book. It was a good read, though I found some errors: they misspelled Hermione’s middle name and there was a randomly capitalized word somewhere in the later chapters. The ending and epilogue did come across as a bit trite, but I liked it, though I’m not sure if I liked it more because the whole thing was over, than enjoying the writing in general. I think I am just satisfied having the plot revealed to me as I read instead of learning about the ending from television or the internet or from some miscreant shouting out the ending to me.

What got me writing however, was not the subject of Harry, but something fascinating that I realized about myself over these past 48 hours: in just two years, I’ve become an utterly different person. It’s astounding really, that I could still be me, yet so different at the same time. Two years ago, Harry Potter was my world and I spent many hours of my day, devoted to something Potteresque whether I was commenting on Potter forums or simply reading the books. I was always doing something relating to Harry Potter. Book 6 changed this. I was so frustrated by what I read that at one point I actually threw the book across the room. Many, and I do mean many, of those same frustrations came about in Book 7, however, there was no anger, real anger associated with them. I just sort of rolled my eyes and kept on reading. I give all this change to Jesus. As an obsessive-compulsive, I had placed so much “faith” in Ms. Rowling’s abilities that, had I remained so OCD over HP as I was two years ago, at this point, I would be ready to collapse, having nothing to ease me from my compulsions. I would be sitting here like, “well, now what do I do.” God, knows me, and knows when it’s time to move me along from one thing to another. Now, more or less, it’s all on him.

I made a decision today that showed just how much I had changed. Actually, I’ve made several this weekend, but today’s was the most…beneficial, I suppose. There was a four o’clock service today at church and I had a choice: I could either go, the way my heart was telling me I should, or I could just go home and read Book 7 all day. I went back to church and I made the right decision. I’m glad I did too, but I’m still just so amazed by how different I’ve become. The obsession is over and I, for the first time in my life, feel like a young adult instead of an overgrown adolescent.

…she’s forever wrong about Ron and Hermione though…

It’s my one-year anniversary of joining my church! I’m so glad I wrote about it here. I don’t think I’ve written it anywhere else, so it’s important to nail down the date because it gives me a point from which I can measure my walk. The exact date is May 14th, but I’m excited about it nonetheless. My mother marveled about it, saying that I had done more in our church during one year than others have done in entire lifetimes, which fascinates me. But, looking back over this past year, I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

Sunday School today was very interesting. It was just me and one student, but we had a very good conversation about the text and about religion altogether. At one point we started talking about gays, and I started to feel the strain of my “old self” and my “new self.” My old self thought of gays and thought, “Okay, to each his own.” however, my new self knows what it says in the Bible and knows what is believed whole-heartedly by all those around me, so the “To each his own” idea just no longer seems appropriate. But still…I’ve learned so much through Sunday School and by teaching and what I’ve learned most more than anything throughout all these texts is that as a Christian, I must love everyone, regardless of their sins because I too am just a big a sinner as the next person.

One of the most poignant things I’ve learned is that sin is sin in God’s eyes. The liar and the murderer have done equal sins; it’s just Man who has made these divisions within sin. Albeit, one could argue that a murder could have a far larger impact on the lives of those around the affected individuals than would a “little white lie,” but the fact remains that sin is sin. I’ve told lies in the past and I’ll undoubtedly tell more before my end. On the subject of gays, I think to myself, “How dare I pass judgment on them, when I’ve sinned too.” and then there’s the idea that even though I may not be able to change how they think, I still don’t have to agree with it. As a Christian, I can be civil with all people, because in God’s eyes, I am no different. My only hope is that with prayer, that they can have salvation and won’t have to suffer the white gates.

I’m not running around with the “I don’t care what you do” mentality any longer, but I’m still nowhere near actually looking down on someone or treating them relatively different because they believe something other than I would believe. As ludicrous as it sounds, I think the Libra in me finds it unfair that I would look down on gays because they don’t follow the Bible, but not look down upon Jews or Hindus or anyone else as well. I’m not willing to take the plunge, so it feels wrong to even take that first step.

Sigh…

On a less melodramatic note, Flight is coming along well. It’s about 80,000 words currently and I’m about in the middle of the first “part,” but I’ve hit a bit of stall. The storyline needs to be changed slightly and I know it will take some time for me to correct what needs to be changed. My hope is that this doesn’t derail me from writing because I’ve been going on at a pretty good clip for a while now, writing at every chance I get.

I’m practically counting down the days before they put up another roadblock for me in regards to writing at work. As long as I have the will, there will always be a way, but it’s that nerve-racking feeling wondering when they’ll pull in the ropes. I won’t be telling anyone, this time, how I’ve been updating my novel, as the last time I spoke up, my primary means of editing was shut down. Hopefully, that will buy me some time. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong, but I know somehow, someway, it’ll seem “unproductive” or something when someone looks at my, for lack of a better word, talent, and feels somehow undercut.

It doesn’t matter though. If they cut me off electronically, they can’t prevent me from bringing pen and paper to work and writing the old fashion way. I’d to have to resort back to that since I’ve just now gotten over my lack electronic creativity phobia, but I’ll do what I have to do.

Adventures in Vegetarianism #6
On this 13th day of the month of May, I begin my 13th week of vegetarianism and things couldn’t be going better. Today, I went to dinner with my parents and I barely even considered looking at any dishes with meat. I’ve also decided that I’m not going to be eating fast food this month, which makes the veggie thing all the more easy. Not visiting Wendy’s for even french fries, allays the craving that comes after gazing at the #6 option while at the drive-thru. I’m finally looking at this as a normal part of my life, rather than something I’m just doing for the time being. I’ve even lost all cravings for chicken and I can’t even remember what red meat tastes like. It’s a very cool feeling.

So, today the majority of our church went as a group to Toledo. It was some church fellowship thing, that I probably could have gone to, but I’d decided I didn’t want to a while ago. So, last night, again, I had waited until the last second to do my lesson and I was half saying to myself, “well, maybe no one in my class will be there and I won’t have to teach.” because as much as I do enjoy teaching while I’m at church, I usually end up approaching the lesson with disdain, mostly because I’ve waited until the very last second to look at it. So, I took a nap last night until 2am and I’ve been up ever since. I finished the lesson and went to Sunday School still hoping that there’d be another teacher there and I wouldn’t have to teach. I think half of this feeling stems from the fact that there are days when I just really miss the “good ole days” when I could just go to church and then leave. I think it’s because I’ve been so very stressed out with school and work and everything for a while that even church is starting to wain on me.

Anyways, so I get to church and see all of these cars parked in the lot. It was just all the people who’d gone on the bus to go to Toledo. I was actually the only one there for Sunday School. I waited around a bit and eventually two other Sunday School regulars came and one of them had keys to the church. At first, it looked like we just weren’t going to have Sunday School and were going to wait until Pastor Emeritus came to deliver a sermon, but I spoke up and gave my lesson.

What’s interesting is that even though what I can probably attribute to stage fright, is somewhat overwhelming in the beginning because I think everyone’s looking at me and thinking, “this girl doesn’t have the slightest idea what she’s talking about” at some point in every lesson so far, I reach this sort of moment of clarity where I really feel like I’m doing some good and can really speak on the Word. This moment came today and while it faded just as quickly as it came, I did feel like I aided those who’d come to Sunday School this morning.

There’s a part of me that wondered whether or not my laziness was a part of the “plan” since no other teacher was available until a good ten minutes after I’d finished my lesson. Pastor Emeritus gave a good sermon too and I was…for lack of a better word, amused to listen to him sing the Lord’s praise without a care. Just to see someone who loves to praise the Lord no matter who’s watching or not watching or how few people sing along with him…it was just…very cool.

Adventures in Vegetarianism #4
Yesterday was my mother’s birthday, and I forgot to give her the card that I’d marched to other side of the bloody mall and back to get for her, and we went to Lindy’s so celebrate. Now, every time I’ve gone to Lindy’s I nearly always get the same things: the calamari appetizer, a cup of the lobster bisque and this lobster and shrimp pasta for a meal. Since becoming a vegetarian, I hadn’t had a real test of my strength…until last night.

I could literally taste all the wonderfulness that was that lobster bisque. How it was so warm and creamy, and just how tender the lobster was, and how it all felt as it touched my tongue and pallet and eventually slid down my throat. Hmmm…..Needless to say, I was going through a bit of a panic as I stared at the Lindy’s menu. For years, Lindy’s equaled lobster bisque to me and had no idea how to even begin looking for other appetizers and meals, but I trudged forward nonetheless. I contemplated the lobster bisque for ages before finally eyeing this flat bread thing with mozzarella, tomatoes and basil. I ordered it and it was just like a margherita pizza! And I ended up ordering this meatless penne and tomatoes meal as my main dish. I was so proud of myself for not caving and my reward for not falling back into the bad habits was that I got to try something new and it was delicious. My next test will come when we go to McCormick and Schmick’s and I’ll be forced to break for the calamari. I just don’t think I’d have the strength to pass up calamari that’s so fresh and wonderful that it literally melts in your mouth.

On the way home from church, I faced yet another dilemma as I wanted so desperately to eat out, but there was nowhere to go; a consequence and yet desired result of becoming a vegetarian. I really, really wanted a chicken finger basket from Dairy Queen, but I opted for this mozzarella, tomato and spinach thing and a Greek salad from Cosi instead. It wasn’t the cabbage that I’d cooked for dinner night’s ago and really needed to finish even though it turned out badly because I was a bit salt stingy, but it wasn’t Skyline or that chicken basket. I mean the chicken basket, fries, Texas Toast and large strawberry Blizzard would have been disastrous calorie-wise and there would’ve been absolutely no nutritional value. The mozzarella, tomato, pesto thingy was disastrous too, but at least with tomatoes and spinach on it, I can pretend. Not to mention a salad is better than a basket of fries and ice cream anytime…unless it’s a taco salad. Then, there’d be no saving me.

Anyways, back to Jesus. I’m really glad that today turned out as well as it did. I’m also wicked glad that they hadn’t closed the church doors today. About thirty or so people ended up showing up and those thirty people would’ve all had to’ve found somewhere else to worship, most probably ending up going home. I know as I sat in my car waiting for someone to show up for Sunday School, I kept contemplating what I was going to do with my day if ten o’clock came and went and no one had come. That still small voice within kept saying to go home and get some sleep and I’d worry about church next week, but that lazy voice in my head that told me I didn’t feel like feeling bad all week that I’d missed church and made me stay. I had contemplated having to drive around for a bit in hopes of finding another service if no one showed up by 10:30. But, everything worked out for the best and I’m so glad it did. I feel happy today, and although it may just be the euphoria that comes with an extreme lack of sleep (I haven’t actually hit REM since Friday night), I’m happy that I had chance to actually get happy and go to church today.

**Sigh***
Finally! Back where I belong and everything’s falling into place. For the first time in months, my outlook does not look so bleak. I’m doing what I should be doing and at the end of this quarter, I’ll be taking a long-awaited and long-deserved break. Of course, I’ll still be working, but at least I won’t be working and in school at the same time for a week.

I feel like this over-bearing weight is every-so-lightly lifting off my shoulders day by day, and I really do think that everything will be all right. I attribute 90% of this to going to church this week and making it to Sunday School on time. Everyone was so surprised to see me there, not racing in just before consecration. I start teaching on my own this Sunday and I’m really excited about it. I hope it’s not boring for everybody. I suppose if it doesn’t work out, they’ll either move me somewhere else or fire me altogether, but I’m hoping I don’t let anyone down on this. There’s a Wednesday night service tomorrow and I really can’t wait. I’m half mad since I didn’t get to put my tithes in on Sunday because I completely forgot about it. Usually I just have Mother throw it in for me, but she was busy with her own things and wasn’t there. I’ll have to find someone I trust to put it in on days when she can’t be there.

The written word is in the air and it’s loving me! I’ve been writing everyday and I feel like the well of words just keeps flowing. I’ve never been this in tune with a piece before. I feel like since I’ve completely laid out the plot, writing the details is all the more exciting. I love looking back on my old work and see how I’ve progressed as a writer. I wish this book was 100% my original with all my own characters and such, but all I can keep saying to myself is that this is just my way of proving to myself that I can write; that I can create and stay on target. God Lord! The day I actually finish it, I’ll be singing from the rooftops. I sort of want to delve into some of my other works, but I know I mustn’t. I must stick to this and finish it out; must keep the ADHD at bay! It’s what always kills me in the end. I finally have an idea on what must be done with A Ten-Minute Speech and I’m so excited to start, really start, writing the Luka books, I could just burst into flame. It’s all I want to do and all I want to think about. Sometime last week I found myself daydreaming about my own characters. My characters! That never happens and I keep wondering what it really means. With this fanfic novel, I’ve finally conquered my PC-writing demons. For years, I haven’t been able to writing creatively on a computer, forcing me write everything longhand and spend the next year deciphering my longhand as I type the entire thing. It’s a good thing that I’ve learned this now, because I’ve realized I have the tendency to be quite verbose. I’ve only just finished the first chapter of Flight and the book’s 10,928 words and 20 M$ Word pages. I’m wondering just how long it’ll take me to break my goal of 100K. The first chapter’s just on one day and there’s nineteen days in the first part of the book. I doubt every day will be 11K long, but still…my writing just gets flowery and I while I try my hardest not to ramble, I can’t help but delve into the characters a bit more. I don’t want to just write an episode; I want to create something unique that reads like an actual book and could be taken seriously, were it not actually fanfiction.

So, Dreamgirls…Yay! Jennifer Hudson won her Oscar and I feel oddly proud of her. I guess I just love seeing black women win Oscars, but anyway I’m horribly addicted to the Dreamgirls’ soundtrack. Of course, I’m playing One Night Only to death, but honestly, it’s the reason I bought the darn CD and I’m going to play it until my iPod breaks. I’m also slowly beginning to fall for Beyonce’s Listen, which I really don’t think was worthy of the Oscar nod, but whatever. One Night Only (Hudson’s version, of course), was a far better song, but maybe that’s just me. I’m probably not the most objective person to consider the two songs since One Night Only is currently stuck in my head, but so on and so forth…Obsessions: just the writing and One Night Only. SVU’s even starting to subside, but I think it may have more to do with my not wanting to be unduly influenced by the show as I write. I still need like a crackhead, but I missed last week’s new episode and I haven’t had a break down…yet. Thank goodness for USA network. Keeping SVU fanatics in good health, around the globe.

Adventures in Vegetarianism #2
I’ve been a full-fledged vegetarian now for more than a week and the Wendy’s #6 Spicy Chicken cravings have subsided substantially. I spoke with another vegetarian in one of my classes and she told me I’d probably start feeling weak after a bit, but I’ll stick it out a bit longer before taking a multi-vitamin, especially after that nonsense on the BBC news about vitamins actually shaving off the years instead of adding to them. Oh well. I suppose we’ll all go when we do. But, I’m really enjoying this not-eating-meat thing. Tonight, I made a grilled cheese sandwich with olive oil instead of butter. I’m well on my way to becoming a vegan…except for the fact that I love cheese and yogurt and would sooner cut of my own foot and feed it to my enemies than give up cheese and yogurt. But, the point is, I’m not eating any meat. I wish I could say that I give a crap about cows and pigs and such, but I honestly can’t make myself really care about animals. I just don’t want to like the taste of them anymore and I want to just live healthier. I just can’t see any positives to eating meat, especially since I read something about average humans eating something like six times the amount of animal meat we need to survive. That just seems utterly crazy to me.
Anyway, I haven’t lost any weight to this vegetarian diet, but that’s probably due to the fact that I polished off this entire macaroni and cheese dish by myself as I practiced for the pot luck we’re having at work this Friday. It’ll be Dorienne’s time to shine! I also randomly made a bunch of cookies and frosted them myself. I don’t know where the crazy cravings come from, but they are bizarre. But, cheers to me for not even wanting to eat any meat! And a special cheers to me for at least trying to get back on eating like a normal person should…

The past week has been more than stressful for me. I missed church yesterday. I hadn’t meant to, and I was actually dressed, with Bible in hand and was heading out the door when I had the infinite intelligence to check the mail prior to leaving. The letter came today and while everything is not definite, it doesn’t look good. I was just so depressed that I just leaned against the wall below the stairs and cried for a good ten minutes. It was so terrible and I was simply depressed, but instead of just lying in a ball and crying for the rest of the day, I went to work. I needed to do about a million things, but only accomplished less than half, but the important thing was that I reset a lot of my priorities. I just wish I had done so without having to miss church. I feel like the rest of my week is going to feel like this and I feel like I’ve let down everyone in my life by missing for one day.

My father came to town yesterday and we had a nice talk. It wasn’t as stressful as I thought it was going to be and we actually had a conversation like a father and daughter should. I finally feel like that relationship is what it ought to be.

Training is still going and going and going. If the situation all works out, I’m still not sure what I’m going to do. I may have to go over the head of one of my professor’s….but honestly, it’s rather ridiculous to have just one section of a class that all majors would need. They could at least have the decency to hold the class at various times throughout the year. The school is supposed to be accommodating, but really it’s all crap.

I’m beginning Week Two of giving up TV.com forums in favor of more productive things. I also feel like this huge weight has been lifted off of me since now, I don’t feel like it’s imperative that watch House and SVU exactly when they come on so that I can comment on them later. I can now tape them and watch them at my leisure, like a normal human being.

Adventures in Vegetarianism #1
I have also decided that I am going to be a full-fledged vegetarian. I came to this idea this Saturday past and my last “meat” was a Wendy’s #6 Spicy Chicken sandwich, of which I have been having deep cravings ever since. It has been three days and I feel like I’m starting to crack, but I’m trying to remain diligent. The thing is, I’ve got to get this weight off of me. I can’t even say that it’s starting to get out of hand; it’s already out of hand, out of control, out of whatever. I normally try to cook and eat healthy, but eventually, I’ll get lazy and stop cooking and I end up hitting the vending machines at work or ordering 20-some wings from Donato’s or Wings Xtreme and devouring them all myself for dinner. But, what I have noticed is most of the things to which I turn when laziness begets poor eating habits are meats or foods with meat. Subs, wings, Skyline, Wendy’s #6…hmm, Wendy’s….they are all meat and I go to them time and time again. I figure if I just pull meat out of my diet altogether, I won’t even be able to go to those places. If I really face it, even though I hadn’t been eating red meat or pork for ages, I would always splurge when it came to subs and such. Even though I would adamantly say I refused to eat red meat, that buoyant voice always faded away as I sank my teeth in a Grinder. Taking all meat out of my diet means that if I slip and hit Skyline, it will have to be an active choice to eat meat, removing my ability to say, “well, this red meat’s okay, because I really can’t see it.” Either way, this is a big dietary change and although my mother reminded me that there are a lot of really fat vegetarians, I still think this has some potential.

Yes! Finally, I have my blog back!

It has been a harrowing few weeks since I decided to leave Acenet and realized that I had no idea how to begin changing my MySQL databases over to the new account at Lunarpages. I have just this instant figured it out and I am more than ecstatic. I have had so many things about which I just longed to write, but I had no venue in which to display these thoughts. I will transfer a blog post I created in my TV.com blog here since it was pretty significant.

The thing is, last Tuesday, I received a rude awakening. Upon realizing that a fanfic-novel I had been writing was about to become yesterday’s news, it finally occurred to me just how much time I waste on forums and the like. Time that would be better spent accomplishing my many projects. So, for the past few days, I have been away from the TV.com cold turkey. I do not expect that my absence will affect anyone, but still I do wonder. I have been focusing on my writing and today I decided I need to start seeing project through to the end instead of starting up new ones half way through the old and never finishing anything in the process. Some may call this behaviour textbook ADD and bipolar, but I can beat this myself sans label. I just have to focus.

I got a job! It is with Chase and we have yet to get into our actual work since we are still in training. I can’t help, but feel that I am the odd one out in the class, though I think that some of this has to do with the fact that I sit directly in the middle of the room and I do not share a desk with anyone in the training room. It maybe because I have been more or less isolated from people, church members notwithstanding, for quite some time, but I feel just odd in comparison to everyone else. I cannot really explain it, but everyone else seems so different from me that I feel that I almost struggle to relate to all the others. Maybe it’s because I keep finding all these errors in the training materials….I am having great difficulty in finding my niche, which just pains to no ends because, like all humans, I am ever-striving for acceptance and belonging. All in all, though, I just wish we could get through the material and get out on the floor. I fee like I am being robbed each day I spend in training because that is another day where I am working at close to a dollar and hour less than what I should be paid. What irks me the most is that I can’t help thinking that if I just had my degree, I could have applied for a position more suited my interests like the company’s IT department or anything else. I see myself truly testing the limits of the “you have to stay at your level for a year before moving elsewhere” idea. I already want to master this information on competitive spirit alone and there’s no telling how I will be once we are out of training.
The good thing to come out of this, however is that I may have my first web design job. It will probably be just a fifty-dollar job with a very small maintenance fee, but it is a job nonetheless. It excites me so much, I could just dance and sing. And speaking of sing, I had been stressing for several days about the fact that since I work on Saturdays, I will not be able to attend choir practices. Thankfully, most of the songs we do, I already know and our director gave us a CD of a bunch of songs that we will be singing in the coming months. Knowing those songs will be enough for when we are to sing. Today, I sang with the choir even though I was unable to practice with them this month and I think we did great. I was worried about our director for a bit, because I can tell that she is still sick and looked like she was about to pass out while she was directing us. In fact, I was very worried probably because I had dream last night, Saturday night, about one of our church members passing away suddenly and I woke up very upset. In my dream, I was crying over her and no one could understand why I was crying and was upset since she was saved and therefore we all knew where she was going. It was one of those sit straight up in the middle of the night dreams that stay with you for a while and I made sure to hug this person extra hard in church today.

Phew! I have managed to clean my room and catch up on my “correspondence” tonight all in efforts to procrastinate major items further. All this behaviour makes me think that I really am not ready to return to OSU after all. I don’t want to believe it, but here I am under the same stresses and I am struggle once more. I think I just need to press forward and just get my stuff done so I can have more time to write and do what I want to do.

….time to work…

Yesterday, well, I guess two days ago, was such a great day for me. First, I got a job! Woot! A half-way decent job that I know I can do with steady pay and reasonably stable hours. Then, I managed to switch around my classes to accommodate the training schedule and since I know what my hours will be, I can schedule my OSU classes accordingly. I thought briefly that I would not be able to, but everything worked out for the best. Oh, Jesus is great! The best part of the night was when I got to my eight o’clock class, the girl next to me says that she’s new in town, but doesn’t like it. So, I asked if her she had church home and then suggested Lincoln Park. I’m not sure if she’ll show or not, but I was excited just the same.
**Sigh** Ohio State lost, but since I really didn’t watch that much of the game, it doesn’t bother me all that much. I was on such a spiritual high on Monday that nothing could really phase me at the point. I don’t get too many days to smile and “woot” about, so when they come along, I smile and woot as much as God will let me.

I rang in the new year at church once again and once again, I’m happy I did. Last year, it was more a sense of desperation since I just could not imagine bringing in the new year in some random bar. This year, I could not wait to go to our church’s Watch Night service. It was fun and even though I had to sing while on the crutches, I really enjoyed myself.

I spent the majority of yesterday watching the SVU marathon on USA, while today was a mix of a Twilight Zone marathon, a Law & Order marathon and football….the only thing better than watching Ohio State win is watching Michigan lose. **grins wildly**

So, since it is a brand new year, I feel it necessary to make some…not technically resolutions, but promises for myself:

1. Lose weight – Long overdue and it is becoming a sort of health issue. I am not looking to be model thin by my 23rd, but definitely a size or two smaller than I am now.
2. Stay neat – Today, the house is more or less clean. I want to keep it that way throughout the year; just like normal people do. A little here, a little there. Just no need to spend an entire day doing laundry or just cleaning the bathroom or just doing the dishes. Also, not going to sleep with my room untidy. This will probably help overall.
3. Get into a routine – This one will be hard since I am still sans employment, but I need to just get into a basic routine:

1) Morning – Shower, teeth, feet, lotion, hair and makeup
2) Night – Clothes/misc items, dishes, floss, teeth, face and stomach-work

If I can start with a routine for when I wake up and go to sleep, I think I will be better off altogether. Plus, this also ties into what will be needed for #1.
4. Graduate…from somewhere – I have three degrees in progress, yet I feel like I am no closer to any of them as I this time last year. Just one degree out of the possible three. This will require some hard work and a lot of prayer.
5. Submit a novel – I have been writing here and there, and editing this and that. I think it is past time for me to make good on this dream of mine. This will also include making the final editions of something; Evan, Luka, any one I can complete.
6. Be healthy – This also is a part of #1. I need to be healthier overall; some kind of workout everyday, get in the fruits, grains, etc, read my Bible often, if not daily, etc.

I think in total, my New Year’s Resolution is to just be a better person altogether. Today is the first of January in the beginning of my 23rd year of existence. The past 23 years have been extraordinary, but not what I want my life to surround. Here’s to making 2007 the first of many healthy and successful years as a child of God.