Dorienne's Log

I’ve always heard some sayings along the lines of “it’s the little things that make life worth living” but I’ve never truly given it much thought until recently. Twice yesterday, I was able to rise from deep sleep to accomplish necessary errands – Church and later work. Had I set and alarm for either event? Well, yes and no: I set an alarm for the last possible moment for church, but I was awakened a good hour and a half before my alarm and I simply went through the mechanics of preparing myself for the rest of the day without even realizing that I’d “underslept.”

Why was I able to wake up long before I had wanted? My subconscience knew that I needed more time than I had allowed myself and woke me…I know it was my subconscience, but I relish in the idea, fact if you will, that Jesus woke me to do what I already knew was right. And to my benefit at that: during service, my pastor informed me, well all of us, of something that I had no previous knowledge.

Christ actually went into Hell for three days before ascending onward to Heaven. I won’t get into the specific chapters and verses and such, but simply the idea of it, the fact if you will, eased many of my issues with truly believing that Jesus was the son of God. It had long been told to me that the only way to get to Heaven was through Jesus, and of course my logical mind had asked the question, “well, what about all the people who had died before Jesus had come upon the earth? Were they simply doomed to Hell?” I learned yesterday, that all those who had come before Jesus, had indeed gone to Hell and Jesus went into Hell so that they might receive Him and thus go to Heaven.

As I sat listening and learning this new information, I couldn’t helping thinking how logical Christianity now seemed to me. God so loved the world et cetera, meant that all His souls, His creations, were being sent to Hell because they were imperfect and because they sinned just as Adam and Eve did. God sent a part of Himself, His son if you will, to the earth, so that all those who believed in Him could come “home” to Heaven. The very thought of it makes me smile in a sort of relief. It makes sense to me now….well….more than it ever has. It makes it seem less illogical that a virgin could give birth two thousand years ago. Most of all, it takes so much of the burden of being both a scientist and a Christian away from my shoulders. When all the facts are considered, not saying that I have all of the facts, but more than I’ve ever had, rationally, I cannot think that Christianity is a farce, a fable or fiction. Yesterday was the first time in a very long time that I actually felt saved and happy that I was such. I know dark times are coming for me, but I cannot feel despair. How can I when I know as long as I stay to His path, I will be all right?

I have one more trial before I know that I have been, indeed, born again into Christianity – becoming a witness. It’s hard, so very hard. So many people know me as I was, and I they still perceive me. I say that I’ve joined my church, but no one seems to look at it as anything significant. I don’t feel like I could extend my hand, asking my friends to come join each Sunday morning, because I already know how loud their laughter would be. I’ll have to come to terms with this….one thing at a time, though….

My mind is becoming fuzzy and it’s getting difficult to focus on coherent thought, it is time to stop. There’s always so much more to say though: I’ve started new poems and new stories; success at work; hope for school; my website’s leaps and bounds; things that piss me off that don’t so much anymore since I’ve re-discovered Christ; my reformed addiction to caffeine….