Dorienne's Log

All the worries I have about global politics, the American economy, imminent war between any number of countries….while watching American Idol, it all floats away for a short amount of time. All of my life’s decisions relate in whether my vote will go toward Elliott or Paris, nothing more.

I need the simplicity of American Idol to allow me time to relax and just let my mind melt for a bit. The beginning ring of the show makes my heart skip a beat and I love the idea that for just a little while, I can let only one thing matter.

While it is just a show and it is just around to make money (and I cannot think of anything more American than that), I love it. From having my heart flutter every time Ace looks at the camera to feeling that chill I get when I hear Paris sing, I love American Idol.

Sometimes…I feel so lonely.

When even my gay friends are finding new boyfriends, I start to get discouraged and eventually depressed.

But, now to watch my taped American Idol results…

Phew! Made it before midnight!

There are days, much like today, when I’m so very happy that I fear my own death more than sin, hate or all the evil in the world, because when days go as badly as today, a bottle of pills feels like just the right thing.

But enough of the suicidal tendencies and onto better things…

watched “The Guys” perform on American Idol tonight and, of course, “the Idol” always makes me happy. There were the performers who I knew had no business being there, while there were the ones who gave me chills; nonetheless, the guys were not half as good as the girls. I always know when I have found my favorite “Idol”: I want to download the song he or she sang; not the original version, the version they sang. Alas, it makes me wish I had the talent of some of those kids at sixteen years old…..

On another happier note, I welcomed Bartleby III into my home. It will probably be a few days before he gets used to me, but it is nice to look over at the bowl and think “Aw, he’s so little” versus “Aw, I thought he’d go another two years.”

I feel a little better now having accomplished a few of the priorities before the end of the day, and here’s hoping this slight sliver of contentment carries into the next morning when things really get interesting.