Dorienne's Log

Today I’ve embarked on a new adventure, of sorts: Xanga! Why? God only knows….something about discovering new endeavors in procrastination and such….oh well.

True, I already have a website (www.doriennesmith.com) over which I have complete power and control, mwuahaha, and am not limited by the nonsensical web designs of Xanga; all this notwithstanding, I am here. I suppose I start a new blog everytime I wish to change something in my life in some significant way….Last time (kaitco.blogspot.com), chronicled (somewhat) the end of my heartbreaking addiction to Pepsi and caffeine. This blog will progress as I embark on a grave new journey; two of them, actually: writing and weight loss.

As an aspiring novelist, I suffer from many things, obsessive compulsive disorder and habitual laziness being the most dominant of the fine plethora of entities that plague my psyche. That being said, I hope to turn the tides in my behavior and I’ve often found the best (and most time consuming) manner of accomplishing such is through the use of “To-do” lists.

Writing — Goal: to finish my second edit of my novel A Ten-Minute Speech by March 4th
Weight Loss — Goal: to lose ten pounds before Spring Break, March 16th
How I plan to accomplish these goals is still quite the mystery to me, but fear not thou who hath not anything better to do, but read thus far into this entry; I SHALL update to my heart’s content, both ill news and good, citing all tales, both harrowing and boring, but nonetheless, awe-inspiring.

It’s 4am and I’m still up! It’s both ridiculous and sad at the same, although they can both often be construed together. I wish it was because of something wonderful like, I don’t know….I’ve been working or I’ve come from my guy’s house or some random BS college story that won’t be funny after age 23. But, alas. I’ve only done work on my primary means of procrastination, my beautiful website. True, I hardly get any hits and though there’s probably another year’s worth of work to complete on it, I trudge forward with it. I get obsessed with getting the code exactly right. There’s something about HTML that just feeds the need obsessive-compulsive need in all the right ways…or wrong ways, I guess. I’ve got exams which are in need of deep studying, but procrastination shall always overrule my life. It’s a fact that I’ve come to live with, oh well. How does the phrase go? Cela guerre? I don’t know…. I should have taken French, but then again, I should have done a lot of things. Like study more often for instance, instead of working on meaningless web design or writing novels that may never be published.
Sigh, sigh, sigh. Cela guerre indeed.

things were kind of strange today, i’ve listened to something stupid and terrible, but it’s fine. i’m not about to get stressed about it, even though it’s terribly fucked up, but once again, i’m not going to be stressed about it.

whatever….

The best thing about my current internship is that I’m getting a first-hand glimpse into what my life might be like for the next 30 years. I don’t know what’s more irrating, the fact that I already hate it or the fact that everyone I work keeps telling me how much I will hate the job. It’s ridiculous at best.
I’ve decided to change the entire meaning of my first novel series, which is good since now it has a definite plot and might actually be interesting for other people to read. I should write far more than I do, but laziness overtakes me each day and there’s nothing I can do about it. Well, I know there’s something I can do, like not be lazy, but in the back of my mind I just keep saying “Screw It” and so I do, figuratively speaking.
I’m almost 21 and it doesn’t seem like I’m going anywhere. I guess I just feel like I haven’t accomplished anything, but then again, I’ve only been an adult for 3 years. I can’t help feeling that I’m 37 or something, which makes me depressed and then this whole cycle continues again. Oh well, the work on the website continues and so will the editing of the first book. Eventually, I’ll finish the first series or take a second to just sit and write like I used to do.

I managed to put up another post prior to the mandatory six month mark! Ha! I’ve done it….
Although I’ve nothing to report…that’s the trouble with blogs, I guess.
A woman I’ve felt was a type of surrogate grandmother for me is dying and will probably die within the next couple of days. It’s not fair; it makes me hate the world and everything in it. I’ve also just found out that one of my best friends has been lying straight to my face for months now. I know it doesn’t sound like a horrible thing, but….I just don’t like lying. I don’t do it, if I can help; I’ve got nothing to lie about! People also make me sick. What does it matter that I’ve watched Star Wars a whole slew of times? It’s not like I bring it up in everyday conversation. How could it possibly affect anyone else in the world; the fact that I like the third Star Wars movie? Ninety percent of that is solely Hayden Christensen. Yes, people definitely make me sick…

Two weeks ago, after finishing a 12-pack of Pepsi in less than five and realizing just how much sugar I’d consumed in that time, I decided that my addiction had taken a new hold and it was time for a change. Thus, I began the “no-Pepsi” era of my life and I’ll see if this lasts at least until December….

So, tonight while watching an ER re-run, I was suddenly overrun by the urge to drink, my third Pepsi of the day. Mind you, I’ve already had a breakdown in the “no-Pepsi” era of my life, by having two today and there I was craving a third. I tried to not think about, I drank water, I had a push-up pop, and yet the craving raged on. And then I looked to the small green Bible given to me by the creepy little man handing out Bibles on campus the other day for solace in my Pepsi temptation. I don’t know what I was expecting exactly, but to no surprise, I got nothing from reading passages on temptation in the Bible. After agonizing over the thought that I will never get back those five minutes I spent reading that damn Bible, the urge subsided and I’m happy to say, I’m back on track, so to speak. But then again I do wonder…..Perhaps reading that little Bible did work. Hmm……

So, it’s finally happened:
After much kicking, screaming, bad-mouthing all the morons with blogs, and the like, I got one myself.
I’m not condoning this in any way, mind you! It’s just a little place to put all my bull that doesn’t take up room on my server. Yah!

DorienneSmith.com — where life finds meaning

…and it really will too!