Dorienne's Log

Palin abused power, probe finds.

Let’s forget the fact that this alleged incident was years ago and focus on the facts. A guy gets fired because he was not doing his job right and all of a sudden an ethics probe finds that a presidential running mate is accused of some wrongdoing? I like the fact that since the liberals have run the “McCain is too old” thing into the ground, they plunged how many thousands of dollars into rushing this “finding” on Palin just weeks before the election. Kind of like how the Bush administration helped Dick Cheney keep the fact that he shot and killed (and I know that man is gone and buried in a quiet funeral because the entire story has been keep so quiet since the incident that it is unnerving) a man while hunting, but I’ve never had anything good to say about Bush so I won’t get into that.

No one fails to mention that the probe began before Palin was selected as McCain’s running mate, but I follow the news as well as, if not better, than most of the American people and I can’t remember a darn thing mentioned about the probe until after Palin was selected. It makes me wonder that if this probe was so inflammatory why this information was not spray painted all over Palin by the Democrats as soon as she was selected as McCain’s VP. The fact that this committee so conveniently concluded their findings just weeks before the election stinks of liberal string-pulling and taking out all stops trying to win the election in the most underhanded measures possible, not unlike creating fraudulent voter registrations to beef up the numbers for their candidate.

What fascinates me most is that this in-depth probe could conclude so quickly. Monegan was in a dispute for the budget (in this economy, which has been in a downturn for years) with the governor of his state and when he gets fired because of his ineptitude, it must be an abuse of Palin’s power. Quite honestly, if she wanted to get at her ex-brother-in-law, there are many options available for her and there was nothing at all to be gained if Palin fired him because he allegedly would not fire Palin’s sister’s ex. Why not go after the ex directly? For God’s sake, she’s the governor! I’ll say it again, there are far deeper and more sinister ways to “get” someone if she wanted to do it.

This disgusts me like anytime I hear about a black person getting fired by their white boss and then accusing the boss of obvious racism when said black person came to work late everyday and had substandard performance. People, specifically liberals who are attempting to incite voter fears about a small constituency of Republicans (who also exist in greater numbers as Democrats, though highly shrouded through politically correctness and general garbage, as well), don’t want to focus on the facts. It is always easier to assume that a conservative has abused her power than to consider that there is more to a story than its face value.

To make this matter entirely disgusting is its complete lack of facts. Here’s a question, Monegan: if Palin was hatching some under-handed revenge scheme, why didn’t she give you the means to make the firing easy? And, if these means were available, why haven’t you mentioned this and why hasn’t this been discussed in the probe? Perhaps this is just an example of a disgruntled employee having another stab at his former boss at a time that just happens to be advantageous for the Democrats.

What is really going to make the country fall into a hell-hole is if Obama loses and we have to listen to the liberals scream racism day in and day out for the next four years. I can hear it now: “Look how racist our country still is! Palin has abused her power and McCain/Palin still got elected!”

Sigh…

Hopefully, Ohio is still as “racist” as I assume it is and our track record for choosing the president will not be tarnished in November so that I can hold my head high instead of singing the “Blue State Blues” for the next four years.

I’m not even quite sure how I found her blog either. I suppose I could search a bit and…remember that I’ve been branching out from the BBC recently just to see what the “others” have been printing in their news. I can’t say why, but I just can’t trust US-based newspapers anymore. Not to say that the BBC can be trusted either, far from it, but getting that independent view of the country far outweighs the leftist subtleties in American papers. Anyway…

So, I’ve found Michelle Malkin‘s blog and have had to literally (and I don’t actually mean ‘figuratively’ and am just using ‘literally’ because I’m ignorant either) pull myself away from the computer to keep from spending the entire night reading posts and desiring for the ability to comment. I love what is said in most conservative blogs. I think it is just a breath of fresh air after being bombarded with liberal sentiments at nearly every turn I make just because people see my skin colour and know I think the way they do, but I always approach anything wholly conservative with raised eyebrow and heavy skepticism.

Unfortunately, when it comes to conservatives, the radical racists love to associate as well and ruin just about everything they touch. It reminds of a Facebook group in the Ohio State network that was up a year or so ago where a bunch of kids started a “white kids” group and it, of course, was ruined by a bunch of bigots posting crap about Oprah and white power and blah, blah, blah. On face value, it was no different (well, it actually it was, but I’m trying to get to my point sooner rather than later) than the “OSU Black People” or the “I should’ve gone to a blacker college” groups of which I am members on Facebook. The only problem is that bigots latch onto anything that sounds conservative or geared towards whites and destroy it. With this in mind, I delved into Malkin’s articles assuming she looked something like Suze Orman, but could make a lot of sense to young, conservative black woman in a way that intelligent conservatives tend to do.

Right when I completely fell for her lack of any sense of political correctness, I started clicking around on the site and saw that she was of Filipino descent. Now, I’m almost ashamed to admit that the fact that she wasn’t just “another” white Conservative I agreed with and would look like I can’t relate to my race for finding her articles worthwhile was what caused me to not just Bookmark her, but also RSS her site, yet…when I really think about the person I am and the people I find “heroic” or simply admire, it doesn’t seem so shameful.

There is Oprah, of course, (I don’t care how much she spends endorsing Obama, she’s still a Republican since few billionaires aren’t and even if she somehow isn’t – on paper – I learned through some people that you can’t put faith in any icon or hero except for Jesus, but that’s a post in its own right.) who I admire simply because of who she is and also the fact that she is black, being who she is, and I know there’s no chance I’ll ever put Dr. Rice on the back burner just because she’s got a long-needed rest coming, so there’s no denying that I feel an immediate affinity for successful black women because they embody what I’d like to become and, though Malkin’s not black (if she were, I’d be quoting her posts like other people quote Scripture) seeing that she’s not white, but still thinks in somewhere near the same lines as me, another non-white conservative, just makes me like her all the more. There is something so comforting in seeing a conservative being a conservative simply because she can, regardless of race…

I love being a conservative just how I like busting liberals who think that because I’m an American who is black, I automatically have to fit their racist liberal mindset of me and I love “discovering” the fact that I’m not the only person in the world who thinks the way I do.

To quote her from a little something I found through Wikipedia:

I’m not Asian, I’m American, for goodness’ sake.

…and, to phrase it in the urban vernacular to which people who share my skin colour associate: You go, girl!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I need to stop reading the BBC. I find world news long before anyone else here does and, when it sickens me, it gets to sicken me more and more as the day progresses and I read more and more about it.

Olympic China ceremony star mimed

I am not even sure where to start when it comes to this. I hadn’t really considered watching much of the Olympics, but because of the number of articles about it, I couldn’t help but know what was happening and root for Michael Phelps. I think what is most interesting, for me anyway, is my initial perception about the title of the article. The Brits say “mimed;” Americans say “lip-synced.” When I first read “mime,” I thought, “Well, how wonderful! A little girl who is some kind of national celebrity over there put down the mic to do some kind of mime for the deaf community…” but as I continued reading, a clear understanding of the word “mime” came to me and my surprise over something that sounded so cute turned into absolute disgust. I’m not even going to get started on the CGI fireworks…

Through all the articles I’ve read, I have heard the word “mistake” used here or there. This was no mistake. This was a calculated move by that government and it sickens me. Instead of showing a China that has moved away from the dark and negative imagery of the latter part of the 20th Century, officials gave the naysayers exactly what they wanted.

There is nothing at all wrong with Yang Peiyi. She is a seven-year-old girl and by definition adorable in her own rights, but…the government officials took one look at her round face and little crooked teeth and said, “Um…sorry. You sing great love, but you look hit so we’re going with another girl…though we’re still using your voice.” If China had shown Yang singing just the way she is, it would have made a far greater impact on the world. China would be showcasing its sheer talent in its greatest form, not showing the world, and the West especially, what they think the world wants to see.

A little girl singing a perfect song would have been perfect no matter what she looked like. She may not have turned into an instant pop star like Lin Miaoke had, but what a beautiful message for China to send to the world and to its people. I know I must sound like just another American imparting the “American dream” on the rest of the world, but what is so wrong with letting the millions of other little girls who look more like Yang Peiyi than Lin Miaoke that they can still be someone. That no matter who you are or where you come from, you can still make something of yourself. But no…that is not the message China chose to display. Instead, they decide that the real singer, regardless of how much talent she has, is just note cute enough to represent her country. Thank goodness China does not choose its athletes like it chooses the “face of China.” Otherwise, we would see scandals emerging about swimmers who are actually Mexican, but have eyes that can pass as Chinese, Hungarian sprinters who have hair and skin just dark enough to appear Chinese, and eventually light-skinned black basketball players who had a little Chinese somewhere in the ancestry. I am thoroughly disgusted.

What disgusts me most about this is the fact that there were options other than this available. The rationales I keep reading, “It was the image of our national music, our national culture. And especially since it accompanied the arrival of the national flag in the arena, this was an extremely serious matter.” are all such bull. It wasn’t like they learned two weeks before 8/8/08 that they were going to host the Olympics. They had years to come up with this. Even if they started in January, there are a billion people in China! There is no way they could not find a little girl who had both the voice and face they needed. And, if little Yang was still not pretty enough by their standards, why not throw some braces and a wig on her and make it happen. Makeup artists and hair stylists do it all the time on American Idol. Clay Aiken looked like an alien before the makeup team got to him. Honestly, I think I would have been less horrified if I heard that they had Yang Peiyi lip-sync to her own song while wearing a wig, false eyelashes and dentures.

I just don’t understand how anyone could have thought this was a good idea at the time. It was bound to leak and do nothing but disgrace China. Instead of shining a positive light on themselves, the world is looking at them and shaking its head. If China had just presented themselves as they are, it would have been beautiful. An Olympics without global pause would have been the most perfect way for China to open themselves up to the world. Instead, here we are. What is even worse is that the imagery I saw from the opening ceremonies was beautiful, but none of that will ever be remembered no matter how hard anyone tries. When history looks back on the opening ceremony of the 2008 Summer Olympic games in Beijing, the only thing to be mentioned is scandal.

God, I’m so frustrated.

That’s it. I’m completely and utterly frustrated with life.

Hillary Clinton lost another state. Just so frustrating. I’m not even a Democrat and it still pisses me off. Why can’t people just be honest with themselves? Barack Obama IS only winning because he’s black. That’s it! If you compared him against a white senator whose full of “ideas” and only been in the senate for all of two seconds and then take away race, there no difference. People say he’s charismatic. Who the hell cares? Hilter was charismatic. How the heck do you think he managed to nearly take over the world? Charisma has nothing to do with leading the country in right direction. And, I think I’m just truly insulted by the fact that this is affirmative action at it’s absolute worst. I can’t even stand it. There is nothing about him that would make a good president. No one, and I mean no one, can explain to me how he’s going to beat McCain. Good God! If Hillary won, I would vote Democrat for the first time in 3 years, and I’ve only been able to legally vote for five!

Honestly, this country is just not ready for a black president. If Jena 6 can be manage to be national news, this country’s not ready for a black president. If the state of Ohio can vote Republicans into every other office except for the governor’s chair for whom the Republican candidate coincidently happens to be black, this country’s not ready for a black president. What is wrong with America? Why can’t we see past the flash in the pan charisma and quit getting caught up in the moment? The only way this country is ever going to see a black president is if he (and I say he because I will never see a black woman as president of the US in my lifetime) is a Republican. A black Republican will win the conservative vote and will win the proverbial “black vote” at the same. We’ll see how many of these “time for change” people will back the first considerable black Republican taking a shot at the candidacy.

Grrr! I’m getting to the point that every time I hear the name Barack Obama I want to throw something high into the air and shoot it into oblivion. I just can’t stand it.

I’ll just start listing everything else I hate about the world right now:
Gas is 3.45 a gallon. That’s right. I can feed two people off Wendy’s dollar menu for the same cost as a gallon of gas.

Working sucks. I’m just not cut out for this 40-hour week thing. In fact, I don’t think I’m cut out for any job, but I can fake it real well; that is, when I’m not actually crying over the fact that I can’t be perfect in a job I hate.

Hypocrisy is alive and well. *coughSpitzercough*

My weight is never going to be normal. I’m just going to get fatter and fatter until I’m one of those people who has to have a wall torn out off my house just so that eight people and a tractor to carry me to the fork lift so that I can attempt a risky quadruple bypass surgery.

The environment is in the tubes. Apparently, in fifty years, we’re all going to be dead from either some super virus that mutated from something that escaped from a lab, or we’ll all bake to death from global warming. Though, I suppose I could add freeze to death as well because if having two feet of snow follow three days of near 70-degree weather in March is not a sign of climate change, I don’t know what is.

School sucks, too. I just turned in the single worst thing I’ve ever written as a final. I deserve to get a C in a class where I couldn’t pull together two coherent thoughts for long enough to even come up with some crap that resembles a thesis statement.

I lack the desire to update any creative writing. Nothing poetic, nothing short. Just nothing. I know I have the desire to write or I would’ve abandoned this post after my “Grrr!” about Obama, but I don’t want to update anything to create anything new. All these ideas have just piled on top of me to the point that I’m all worn out and now, I don’t want to do anything, but go to bed.

In case it wasn’t already obvious, I’m losing touch with my faith. I think that’s probably just about the most depressing thing out of all of this. A part of me knows that this is just the ADD in me feeling ready to move onto greener pastures, but will Jesus ever forgive me if stray away for a bit…even if I promise to come back later?

Sigh…

This kind of depression and frustration is not supposed to hit until the end of the month. Well, hurray for surprises and multiple disappointments.

I’m so ashamed. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7030170.stm

It’s not even me; she just shares my skin colour, and yet, I am so ashamed. The only word I can think of to described this feeling is “saddened” I remember looking at her image in magazines and thinking, “Wow! Look at her. Go Marion, go!” I rooted for her, cheered for her, defended her in my mind and said, “I wish they’d just leave her alone.” And, now. Look what’s happened. Now, I understand how my mother felt during the Vanessa Williams scandal. To look at someone with such pride and also happiness at knowing that she was a wonderful, graceful black woman athlete who “triumphed” over all, and look what’s happened. I find myself wondering who else will let me down next. Perhaps Oprah will down fall to some horrible scandal? Perhaps Dr. Rice will be warped by some kind of disgrace?

God, she couldn’t have died without telling the world that? Disappointment doesn’t even begin to describe this feeling. Only sublime shame. I want to say this doesn’t even have an impact on my life, but it does. It impacts every woman who has every stepped foot on a track, every person who dares to succeed, and every black face that has ever found glory. I just have all these swimming memories of her on magazine covers and how the thought of her would just bring a smile to my face. “Marion Jones – fastest woman in the world” and she’s black. I suppose this is all supposed to be very humbling or something, but I still call it rubbish. Today, I wish I was any other colour in the world except for hers.

I just don’t know…All I can really say is, it doesn’t help having heroes in this world. Eventually, every[one] will let you down.

Why does Micro$oft have to put their hand in everything? It’s like Bill Gates sees something wonderful in the world and says, “What? A market that doesn’t make me richer in some way? Inconceivable!”

Consider the past five years of human evolution: Sony comes out with the Playstation; Microsoft says “me too” and comes out with the X-Box. MySpace erupts into a phenomenon; Gates comes up with Windows Live Spaces. The iPod becomes the greatest thing that has ever come from Apple, or ever will for that matter; Microsoft comes out with the Zune player, for no other reason than wanting a piece of another pie. Now, YouTube is becoming one of the greatest entities, or tragedies, depending on you look at it, to grace the internet. God knows how long before Gates wants to dig his hand in there too, if he hasn’t already. The entire idea of it makes me sick. If I only had the time and patience to discover Linux, I would drop Microsoft and everything it entailed.

I dream of a world where people are not just offered shoddy products and expected to buy them, just because they are offered. My thinking is that after this current generation, my generation, grows up a bit and raises our kids aware of how companies like Micro$oft just love to continue their monopolized marketing strategies, that the world will move away from nonsensical entities like Microsoft. Just imagine what the world could be like if we didn’t have people like Gates standing in the doorway of progress because he isn’t ready to take his piece of the pie yet.

All this ranting stems from this article. How on Earth can Gates say that copy protection is too complex for buyers when it is his company that does the most DRM?!? It’s mind boggling! Now that his Zune player might suffer from his self-imposed copyright protection, we suddenly have a problem. Blech! The whole thing makes me want to vomit all over myself.

Anyways, I’m down two pounds. Whoop-de-doo.

I’ve been reading all about the conflicts in the mideast all morning.

I don’t think I was going anywhere with that, it just must be said because it got me to my present state.

I think it’s highly far-fetched to think that my single prayers have reached God and that He acted in my favor, but still….Though Israel has yet to cease fire on Lebanon, the US has at least made some comments to the world that sound as if we do not honor what Israel has been doing to the Lebanese people, and that’s a start. Sometime, either last week or simply last weekend, I found myself praying “God, please speak to your children of Israel. Please, speak to your children of Israel,” because I wholeheartedly disapprove of their actions. Yes, two of their soldiers were taken, and yes, Hamas has been making life more and more difficult for them, yet I still can’t see how Israel has the right to simply start bombing.

The US did the same thing following September 11th, and we were wrong too, but several things must be considered. First and foremost, terrorists, I use the name loosely, had used planes full of civilians to take out a major symbol of US economic growth and overall global power, killing more than three THOUSAND people in the process. For many of us, the wounds are still fresh and I know the thought of those events occurring in my life that Tuesday, never fail to bring a tear to my eye. More than three thousand people loss their lives in one day. Not three thousand soldiers, not three thousand active supporters of an imposing regime, three thousand people who had families and homes and were just living their lives. They were no more guilty of any unbeknownst atrocity committed by the quiet powers that be in the US, than the smallest child who has no knowledge of a world outside of its parents.

Second, the existence of the US has never come into question. Yes, there was a thriving populace of people living on this soil, before the word “America” was first uttered, but how many other countries have developed in the ways of the US? How many other countries were founded by invaders who not only remained, but remained long enough to outnumber and drive off the remaining indigenous peoples living on the land? Few if any, and none have gained the sheer might as the US.

Also, the US is not a secular nation. Granted a vast majority of its citizens are Christians, however, there are also Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Agnostics and numerous members of smaller religions. The US’s War on Terror, is not a war against Muslims, it is not Christians against Muslims, it is one country (our allies notwithstanding) fighting against those who would want to take away the freedom live one’s life as one chooses if only given the chance. The clash between Israel and the rest of the region, comes down to Jews versus Muslims, in its simplest form. You cannot expect to setup a Jewish state in a region where everyone is Muslim and expect complete harmony. It must also be considered that when we (the US) went into the Middle East, it was to a) finish what was left undone in the early 90’s and b) to remove an unjust leader. Yes, the situation in Iraq sucks right now, but it will get better. A civil war in Iraq will most likely take place before it does, but Iraq will be a democracy and the type of place where someone, be they from Ohio, Amsterdam, Ghana or Thailand, could visit and experience the country and its history without fear of being killed due to secular violence.

Now, even with all of this in the US’s stead, if we decided that we were simply going to begin bombing another sovereign nation over two soldiers, that international outcry would be such that all of the world would gather up in unison against us. Economic sanctions would be put on us, the UN would be in Washington trying to help oust our leaders, the list goes on. Two kidnapped soldiers are not worth the hundreds killed and the altered lives of thousands. I don’t care how long this issue has been occurring. It is unjust and a complete exaggeration. Don’t get me wrong: I believe that Israel has a right to exist just as much as I do to vote, but they do not have the right to just start bombing civilians over two soldiers. How many American soldiers….the hell with that, Americans period have been kidnapped by militants in Iraq? Are we bombing that nation off the map for those kidnapped souls? Of course not. Why? Because, as unfortunate as it sounds, the lives of the few who had been kidnapped are not worth the potential loss of life if we began a ridiculous bombing campaign in civilian-populated areas of Iraq.

(Phew)

With all this flowing through my mind, I began to pray that God speak to the children of Israel and stop the carnage. Reading BBC News today got me to Google Hamas and then to Wikipedia and then through a course of clicks that got me reading about the Prophet Muhammed, which of course got me thinking about Jesus and why I follow Christianity. While I believe, that every human being has a right to follow whatever religion they chose and also that Christianity is what is right for me because it has been proven countless times to me, while perhaps it has not for others, I can’t imagine someone who has heard of Jesus’ miracles and then of the Prophet and choose the latter instead. Granted, I don’t know a lot….well anything really about Islam, but that which I do know does not present the greatest picture to me. From what I have about Islam, which granted may be spotty at best, women are not equal to men in any regard, however a woman is the mother of Jesus and she is revered and, from what I understand about Catholicism, which is again very little, she is prayed to and she prays to Jesus on our behalf and He speaks to God. That’s quite a difference in my mind. So while, I sat reading about the much debated biography of Muhammed’s life, I wondered if I were exposed to something else first, say Islam for example, would I have jumped to Christianity upon hearing about it? Of course the answer is yes, and really it’s through knowing even the little that I do about the Bible. I would rather ask for blessings for One who is clearly not of this world. Jesus calmed stormy seas, turned water to wine, raised the dead, made the lame walk and the blind see, healed the sick, and not to mention the whole-dying-on-the-cross-for-the-sins-of-humanity-and-rising-in-three-days-to-ascend-to-heaven-thing. Jesus worked miracles; was a miracle, He came from a virgin mother. I feel confident when I think that the Bible stories alone, would bring me back to Christianity as they always have.

Other things happened this week too. I read an article about this physicist who has created a new mathematical theory that would challenge Einstein’s Relativity and also the idea of dark matter. Dark matter has always made me raise an eyebrow because claiming that celestial bodies moved about the universe due to it, sounds a lot like someone saying that the Earth is flat because one doesn’t feel that he or she walks on a curved surface. It was really an interesting article and it got me thinking about the universe in total. The Big Bang Theory is basically that “once-upon a time” there existed this dense ball if you will, that consisted of all of the matter in the universe. That ball exploded spewing matter across the universe as well as energy. This of course had me wondering the why question to which I can find none but secular answers. I guess that’s good because it keeps me a Christian, but I want to know. Why did that ball of matter burst? What was there before that ball of matter? How did it get where it was? Are there other great balls of matter somewhere that we just can’t see yet? All these questions and no one has answers or will ever answers, at least not in my lifetime, though I do plan on living until at least two hundred….

I’ve learned something interesting recently: class is important, and I think this bit of knowledge will help me be a better student. Just hearing people’s reactions about me missing class makes me rethink how I perceive going to class. It shouldn’t be taken for granted and I can never be at a disadvantage for hearing the material one more time. I think I’ll start to go more, besides it’s time that I stop letting everything else get in the way of what I need to do.

That said, I’ve got packing to do. We’re moving and hopefully life will be great.

…..

So yeah, fertility drugs….
…the more we talked about it, the angrier I became. The more I could not help thinking, “what selfish bastard would do such a thing.” I mean honestly, let’s think about this clearly. If fertility drugs are what is necessary for you, God has clearly not intended for you to give birth. I think people are having children for all the wrong reasons and this results in a lot of kids growing up “spoiled” and unloved. If one says that she wants to take drugs to get increase her chances of getting pregnant so that she can have someone to love and raise, then she’s a damn liar. How many millions of children are out there in this world in need of someone to love and raise them? How many children are isolated from other people living, literally, in cages or simply in their beds because there is no one available to hold them or truly care for them? If someone told me they went through fertility treatment just to have someone to love, I’d probably slap them in the face. They don’t want someone to love! They are just vain and want a little version of themselves running around loose. Knowing what I know now about those drugs, I can’t imagine any true Christian woman going through with it. The idea of what might happen with an undesirable result is just too much. How could someone live with themselves after it? How could you live on saying, “I wanted to be blessed with a child of my own so much that I was willing to give up on some if an undesired number developed?” It makes me want to burst into tears.

Why don’t people adopt more often? As of today, right this moment, were I in a place where I was deciding if I could have kids…..if I learned that I could not, I would be on an adoption waiting list the moment I learned of my misfortune. I don’t generally like children, mostly because most of those I know are ridiculous brats, but I could not imagine not loving any kids in my own house. If I decided that having kids was what I wanted and was ready for, providing that God did not decide for me, regardless if I was ready, and I could not bear my own kids, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be heartbroken. Half the fun of my family is seeing the craziness form from generation to generation, but the thought of taking in a child in need would surpass that sadness quickly.

I think adopting a child is among the most noble and awe-inspiring things anyone could ever hope to accomplish. To take in someone else’s child so that that child can live in a loving, happy environment…..the very idea of it makes me smile. Maybe I’m just too young to understand, though I can’t imagine that being the case. Maybe I just see everything in terms of black and white far too often. Maybe I just have too much love to give. I love all the kids I used to take care of when I was younger. I would love the opportunity to raise a child, any child; just to have someone who would depend on me as they grew into an adult; to influence the entire life of another person….it seems almost magical.

I think, nowadays especially, life has become too precious to me, if that is even possible. When I think about how often the use of fertility drugs is mentioned in day to day society, it makes me realize how few people actually know the truth about them. What troubles me more, is how many people actually go through with it, knowing what the outcome could be. I think anyone who is too selfish and vain to use other avenues such as adoption as a means for having a child, has a very dark, cold future ahead of them; at least until they can successful explain to Jesus, why they thought it best to kill off some of their own children, rather than shower their love upon a child already here and in need of help.

I hate malls. This fact must be known before I can truly rant any further, for without knowing that I hate malls, very little of what I have to say will make any sense. There is just something about Americans getting together in long walks of land, all with the sole purpose of spending money. Malls are different from say, grocery stores or simple markets. At a market, I can go inside, find what I need and be on my way. Malls, being simply so vast and crowded make it nearly impossible to find what is needed let alone, run in and out again quickly. They are designed to keep people inside, to ensure that even when one has had enough, one still has to maneuver through a labyrinth of “must-have” items simply to get to an exit. And, even if the exit has been successfully found, one is left only with a new plethora of shops, all begging for time and money. When I step into a mall, especially on a crowded Sunday, the onset of nausea is immediately felt. So many people….buying things….things they don’t need….digging through all of the sale racks….digging for hours on end….

Malls are especially irritable during the winter months because of the “coat-factor.” If one is wearing a coat designed to keep out winter’s elements, once inside a mall, the coat is no longer necessary. However, now exists the problem of what to do with said coat. Sure, it could be carried, but this said winter coat can become quite heavy over a course of time a short as 30 minutes and problem persists, with the added irritation that nothing was done about the coat when one first stepped into the mall. Some malls have coat checks for a small fee, but this option is simply not viable. Notwithstanding the fact that one’s coat may be set next to smoke chain-smoking hippie-type who might have picked up some new venereal disease while last wearing his or her coat, the problem remains of the implications of the coat check. Checking a coat denotes an ample amount of time will be spent in this mall. One is openly giving into the idea of wasting several hours of the day enclosed away from the rest of the world and spending money on wasteful items.

Middle class America constantly complains of not having it “all,” but it is the acceptance of local malls which complete the cycle. No, of course one cannot afford that new summer house on “the lake” if one spends thirty percent of one’s paycheck on nonsensical items like a brand-new wardrobe each season, or a newer plasma TV for the last room in the house that did not hold a television, or random CDs because said music is currently popular, but never will be again, or beefing up one’s DVD collection just for the sake of doing so, or spending hundreds of dollars on “special” bear that a child can “build” his or herself, or buying expensive chocolate which will end up in the exact same place as that two-dollar cheeseburger from the previous night, or paying money for commercial mass-produced art, especially when one’s house is already full of clutter…. More or less, I hate malls. They are the culmination of all things wrong with America: excess and greed.

Moving on, today I spent two hours in a wretched, overcrowded mall. I needed some new suits for upcoming interviews and apart from being thoroughly annoyed by the fact that the one suit for which I had fallen in love did not look right on me, not because of my weight, but simply that I am too short, I had what I like to refer to as an Agoraphobic Attack. All those people….digging through the 40% off racks….waiting impatiently in line at the fitting rooms….the rude Ethiopian sales woman pissing off each customer who came in path….all this waste; it felt simply overwhelming, in an angry, nauseated sort of way, and even though I was not footing the bill in this expenditure, the need to get out of the mall quickly outweighed my need for a “free” suit.

I have never understood the purpose of shopping just for the sake of shopping. In the back of my mind, I feel like a hypocrite since I have some 50 pairs of shoes, but all that can explained (in a later rant, of course). As for shopping, I have to ask why. Why? If one finds a suit that looks good and fits right and said suit costs $300, and one has $300, then buy the fricken suit! Why would someone waste precious moments of this life that is far too short anyway, digging through sale racks to find the best “deal.” If one does not have the money to spend, then don’t go shopping. It saves lives in the long run: no increased debt, no decrease of a credit score, no increase of crap that will eventually end up in some land fill, no decrease of manufacturer’s keeping their sites in this country and thus decreasing jobs available for Americans. By not spending just because one hasn’t got shit else to do, the world ends up being a happier place.

I am also annoyed by people in my house (who don’t pay a goddamn cent of rent) telling me how my house should be run, but that was just the proverbial icing on the cake, and I am sure the irritation in that direction was simply amplified by my having wasted some of the only time I have on this Earth buying stupid a suit.

Ah, Sundays….