Dorienne's Log

In the past seven days, I have learned more about life than I had ever thought possible. I’ve learned that there will never be real justice in this world because there will always be someone out there who believes that he or she is above the rules that govern everyone else. I’ve learned that the vast majority of everyone I will ever meet will prove to be weak and will falter if someone like me is not there to stand strong and willing. Most of all, I have learned that no one in this world can be trusted. Everyone changes, often times for the worst, and those in whom you have put trust and faith will ultimately let you down in the end. It is a harsh reality with which I must come to terms and I cannot say that I am pleased with the life lessons brought to me in the past seven days. Actions were performed, actions that could have been amended, actions that though they were surely wrong, could have been mollified to make the lives of everyone involved easier, but they were not.

I want to wash my hands of the entire thing and continue on as if nothing ever happened, but I cannot. I wish that some day, my intuition will prove incorrect. It frightens me that at such a young age, I can know that I am right in everything and PROVE to be right in everything. I know that when we first met him, he was not the malformed, integrity-lacking, rouge he proved to be in past days. He was a good person, yet he allowed himself to be associated with those I have repeatedly warned were not good people. I warned against associating with those who had true evil in their hearts, yet no one listened and here we sit today.

I wish I were one to forgive and forget, but I am not. My trust, my faith in everyone I know has been shaken. Who will be the next to “betray” me, I wonder? My unhappiness and anger at this situation has combined to form utter indifference. I do not care to meet anyone new, because I know, for certain now, that he or she will prove to be false in the end. It is times like these I wonder about God, and if He is all powerful and all knowing, why was this allowed to touch my life? Why do I need to learn these lessons? What was the point of all of this? How can coming this much closer to losing faith in all of humanity going to make me a better person? I have gained nothing from this experience except malcontent and the knowledge that I may actually be right all of the time. I don’t think I am ready to take on such responsibility this early in life….