Dorienne's Log

I woke up today certain I was dying; no one’s throat could hurt that much and yet there be nothing terminally wrong. Of course, it was only my amygdala going crazy, but that’s why it’s there…

I finished the Daria project, but there are so many things that need to be done that I know I am just going to curl up and let them grow to the point where everything blows up in my face. That’s been the way of my world for the past decade anyhow.

Sometimes, I wish that no one at all cared about me. That way I would never have anyone to disappoint, but myself. Why does everything have to be so important and build on everything else? What if I don’t want to be a leader? What if I just want to sit a room away from the world until the end? What is really wrong with that? I’m beginning to cherish the days when I could go for hours and hours without saying a word to anyone else. When, at the end of the day, I can count on one hand, the number of people with whom I’ve conversed, it feels like a good day. It probably shouldn’t, and when I’m old and grey, I’ll probably regret having “wasted” all this time, but for now, it feels good.

Time to begin a new project, and maybe begin those that really matter as well.