Dorienne's Log

God, I’m so frustrated.

That’s it. I’m completely and utterly frustrated with life.

Hillary Clinton lost another state. Just so frustrating. I’m not even a Democrat and it still pisses me off. Why can’t people just be honest with themselves? Barack Obama IS only winning because he’s black. That’s it! If you compared him against a white senator whose full of “ideas” and only been in the senate for all of two seconds and then take away race, there no difference. People say he’s charismatic. Who the hell cares? Hilter was charismatic. How the heck do you think he managed to nearly take over the world? Charisma has nothing to do with leading the country in right direction. And, I think I’m just truly insulted by the fact that this is affirmative action at it’s absolute worst. I can’t even stand it. There is nothing about him that would make a good president. No one, and I mean no one, can explain to me how he’s going to beat McCain. Good God! If Hillary won, I would vote Democrat for the first time in 3 years, and I’ve only been able to legally vote for five!

Honestly, this country is just not ready for a black president. If Jena 6 can be manage to be national news, this country’s not ready for a black president. If the state of Ohio can vote Republicans into every other office except for the governor’s chair for whom the Republican candidate coincidently happens to be black, this country’s not ready for a black president. What is wrong with America? Why can’t we see past the flash in the pan charisma and quit getting caught up in the moment? The only way this country is ever going to see a black president is if he (and I say he because I will never see a black woman as president of the US in my lifetime) is a Republican. A black Republican will win the conservative vote and will win the proverbial “black vote” at the same. We’ll see how many of these “time for change” people will back the first considerable black Republican taking a shot at the candidacy.

Grrr! I’m getting to the point that every time I hear the name Barack Obama I want to throw something high into the air and shoot it into oblivion. I just can’t stand it.

I’ll just start listing everything else I hate about the world right now:
Gas is 3.45 a gallon. That’s right. I can feed two people off Wendy’s dollar menu for the same cost as a gallon of gas.

Working sucks. I’m just not cut out for this 40-hour week thing. In fact, I don’t think I’m cut out for any job, but I can fake it real well; that is, when I’m not actually crying over the fact that I can’t be perfect in a job I hate.

Hypocrisy is alive and well. *coughSpitzercough*

My weight is never going to be normal. I’m just going to get fatter and fatter until I’m one of those people who has to have a wall torn out off my house just so that eight people and a tractor to carry me to the fork lift so that I can attempt a risky quadruple bypass surgery.

The environment is in the tubes. Apparently, in fifty years, we’re all going to be dead from either some super virus that mutated from something that escaped from a lab, or we’ll all bake to death from global warming. Though, I suppose I could add freeze to death as well because if having two feet of snow follow three days of near 70-degree weather in March is not a sign of climate change, I don’t know what is.

School sucks, too. I just turned in the single worst thing I’ve ever written as a final. I deserve to get a C in a class where I couldn’t pull together two coherent thoughts for long enough to even come up with some crap that resembles a thesis statement.

I lack the desire to update any creative writing. Nothing poetic, nothing short. Just nothing. I know I have the desire to write or I would’ve abandoned this post after my “Grrr!” about Obama, but I don’t want to update anything to create anything new. All these ideas have just piled on top of me to the point that I’m all worn out and now, I don’t want to do anything, but go to bed.

In case it wasn’t already obvious, I’m losing touch with my faith. I think that’s probably just about the most depressing thing out of all of this. A part of me knows that this is just the ADD in me feeling ready to move onto greener pastures, but will Jesus ever forgive me if stray away for a bit…even if I promise to come back later?

Sigh…

This kind of depression and frustration is not supposed to hit until the end of the month. Well, hurray for surprises and multiple disappointments.

Removing the sad song from the blog that I had originally added after Edrith had died got me thinking: Why do I love this song?
{Fukai Mori (Deep Forest)}

I have no real relations to J-Pop and hardly anything to the Japanese culture outside of Sailor Moon and InuYasha. I cannot understand a single word of it and the English transliterations of the lyrics make no sense to me. And speaking of English lyrics, English version of the song is nearing terrible. So, why on Earth do I love, no obsess over this song?

I suspect it may have to do with the fact that it was the second ending them for InuYasha; a theme that showed images with a focus on Sesshoumaru, over whom I have been very OCD, but i don’t think that is it. InuYasha introduced me to the song, but I loved it before I became enamoured with Sesshoumaru. Which makes me think about this song:
{Shinjitsu No Uta (Song of Truth)}

Again, I don’t understand one word of it, but I love it. The big difference here is that when I became OCD over Fukai Mori, I went through and downloaded every theme song of InuYasha. In this case, however, I had no images of Sesshoumaru leading me to the story, I just heard the song and adored it. Mind you, once I heard it on the anime, I was jubilant, but only because I already loved the song. I guess I could say that I just happen to love Do As Infinity, which I do, so i guess that may discount my underlying theory, but what about this song?
{Come}

Again, I have a song in Japanese and though there are a few words here and there in English, I still don’t understand 90% of it and yet, I love it. I adore the song and it almost moves me like Aaliyah’s “I Care 4 U” or The Beatles’ “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” I loved the song before I heard it on InuYasha, long before and this one is not by Do As Infinity. So, now I present my real question: What makes people love music?

This subject has always fascinated me in regards to instrumental music, but I had always brushed of the idea as simplistic due to the lack of lyrics, meaning that everyone could understand the music and therefore love it. My introduction to InuYasha brought me J-Pop and brought about loads of questions. It’s not like I am totally enamoured with J-Pop and every song I ear. Far from it, but there are songs that just sound good. Take the theme from Bleach. What intrigued me even to watch a little of it was the song. Interestingly enough, once the anime changed themes, I lost interest.

Here’s another piece of a crazy puzzle. Mos Def, on his album “Black on Both Sides,” there is a song Rock N’ Roll . Most of the song is very hip-hop, but the end of it breaks into mosh-pit worthy thrashing. I like the song up to that point, but why? I love rock music, revel in it, sometimes I prefer it to “my own” cultures hip-hop and definitely over rap, but I don’t like the rock music of that song.

I have a theory: What separates humans from the other animals is not just our intelligence, but our ability to use that intelligence to create. Since we create, there is something as yet undiscovered in our brains that loves a certain aspect of music that exists outside of nurture, culture and politics. That is how someone can appreciate Bach, Tupac and Do As Infinity on the same iPod.

Nurture, culture and politics, as much as we hate to think it, shape who we are as human beings Nurture being are close environment, the place where eat, slap, spend most of our time away from the world, culture being farther from us, but represented by a community; this is what tells us that we are an “us” and everyone else is a “them,” culture tells you that that a black American likes rap music and a Southern white American likes country or bluegrass. In other words, culture sucks. Politics is what keeps culture in line. Politics is what makes it seem odd that a white Scandinavian can find fascination in the soulful music of Jill Scott or that a black American can find solace in the seemingly nonsensical words, since she can not understand them, of Japanese rock music. Music breaks all three of these moulds in a way that even literature or visual art cannot. Since music has this remarkable ability, it allows me to ask the question, what gives music its appeal? Why does the song “American Pie” seem to transcend time? How can Chopin’s music still elicit emotions centuries later?

I wish I knew. I wish I had an answer, but I doubt my finite human mind can truly grasp such ideas. I suppose, for now, my shuffled playlists of John Williams, Jill Scott and The Strokes will simply have to suffice.