Dorienne's Log

Yes! Finally, I have my blog back!

It has been a harrowing few weeks since I decided to leave Acenet and realized that I had no idea how to begin changing my MySQL databases over to the new account at Lunarpages. I have just this instant figured it out and I am more than ecstatic. I have had so many things about which I just longed to write, but I had no venue in which to display these thoughts. I will transfer a blog post I created in my TV.com blog here since it was pretty significant.

The thing is, last Tuesday, I received a rude awakening. Upon realizing that a fanfic-novel I had been writing was about to become yesterday’s news, it finally occurred to me just how much time I waste on forums and the like. Time that would be better spent accomplishing my many projects. So, for the past few days, I have been away from the TV.com cold turkey. I do not expect that my absence will affect anyone, but still I do wonder. I have been focusing on my writing and today I decided I need to start seeing project through to the end instead of starting up new ones half way through the old and never finishing anything in the process. Some may call this behaviour textbook ADD and bipolar, but I can beat this myself sans label. I just have to focus.

I got a job! It is with Chase and we have yet to get into our actual work since we are still in training. I can’t help, but feel that I am the odd one out in the class, though I think that some of this has to do with the fact that I sit directly in the middle of the room and I do not share a desk with anyone in the training room. It maybe because I have been more or less isolated from people, church members notwithstanding, for quite some time, but I feel just odd in comparison to everyone else. I cannot really explain it, but everyone else seems so different from me that I feel that I almost struggle to relate to all the others. Maybe it’s because I keep finding all these errors in the training materials….I am having great difficulty in finding my niche, which just pains to no ends because, like all humans, I am ever-striving for acceptance and belonging. All in all, though, I just wish we could get through the material and get out on the floor. I fee like I am being robbed each day I spend in training because that is another day where I am working at close to a dollar and hour less than what I should be paid. What irks me the most is that I can’t help thinking that if I just had my degree, I could have applied for a position more suited my interests like the company’s IT department or anything else. I see myself truly testing the limits of the “you have to stay at your level for a year before moving elsewhere” idea. I already want to master this information on competitive spirit alone and there’s no telling how I will be once we are out of training.
The good thing to come out of this, however is that I may have my first web design job. It will probably be just a fifty-dollar job with a very small maintenance fee, but it is a job nonetheless. It excites me so much, I could just dance and sing. And speaking of sing, I had been stressing for several days about the fact that since I work on Saturdays, I will not be able to attend choir practices. Thankfully, most of the songs we do, I already know and our director gave us a CD of a bunch of songs that we will be singing in the coming months. Knowing those songs will be enough for when we are to sing. Today, I sang with the choir even though I was unable to practice with them this month and I think we did great. I was worried about our director for a bit, because I can tell that she is still sick and looked like she was about to pass out while she was directing us. In fact, I was very worried probably because I had dream last night, Saturday night, about one of our church members passing away suddenly and I woke up very upset. In my dream, I was crying over her and no one could understand why I was crying and was upset since she was saved and therefore we all knew where she was going. It was one of those sit straight up in the middle of the night dreams that stay with you for a while and I made sure to hug this person extra hard in church today.

Phew! I have managed to clean my room and catch up on my “correspondence” tonight all in efforts to procrastinate major items further. All this behaviour makes me think that I really am not ready to return to OSU after all. I don’t want to believe it, but here I am under the same stresses and I am struggle once more. I think I just need to press forward and just get my stuff done so I can have more time to write and do what I want to do.

….time to work…