Dorienne's Log

Things have never looked so low in my life. I honestly think that if I weren’t truly putting everything in His hands right now, I’d be downing the remaining 800 Aleves in that bottle. It feels like things just could not get worse, but what’s funny is that I know it can. Relatively speaking, many people have bounced back from far worse than this. At least I have a game plan in place; at least I know what the next step is; at least I haven’t yet given up all hope. I could have to face all those problems in addition to my own. I’m trying to keep the faith; keep this idea that if I just leave to Jesus, everything will be all right, but sometimes, it’s just so hard….

I’ve asked myself these past few days, ‘why do I keep coming to church?’ I’ve always answered with ‘it makes me feel better’ or ‘because it feels right.’ Today, I received an affirmation! I looked at my Amex bill and nearly burst into tears. I owed $600, I had $150 in my checking account. I would not get any money until the week of the 19th. Dread seeped over me. I would have to borrow money from my mother in order to cover the bill. Of all horrifying things to happen to an adult, this is of course the worst. Instead of digressing into self-pity and depression, I went to church like I’ve been doing these past few weeks. I asked my mother for a $400 loan and I had a small break-down in the church bathroom, but I was alright in the end. I felt better; though my money woes had not yet been lifted, it seemed like what my pastor has been telling me: through God, Jesus, if you will, everything WILL be all right. I came home, feeling much better and started a to-do list which included studying and, of course, cleaning my room. As I began cleaning, procrastinating with the studying, of course, I found a bill of older account statements and what looked like a check stub from an old Anheuser check. I opened the stub, not expecting to see anything, and low and behold, no pun in intended, there sat a check for $300! Combined with the money from my father’s last check, I no longer needed a loan from my mother, and quickly told her so. Though my money woes are still far from over, I cannot help but feel utterly saved through the grace of God.

There is a rational explanation for what transpired today: I simply forgot about the check until this opportune moment. But still….if I had deposited that check months ago, I would have most likely spent it already, leaving me without any recourse presently. I feel like crying because…I am truly grateful for what God has given to me. And…I’m also so happy that I can attribute this to Him, instead of simple dumb luck like I might have a month ago. I am also sad, that I cannot express this sentiment with those around because I know they would laugh and look at me as if I were clearly making a joke because of the person I used to be. My only comfort is knowing that time and Jesus will eventually resolve this issue for the best.

Actually, it’s not, but it does feel that way for some odd reason. The quarter is over and finals have begun. I’m going to study tonight and much of tomorrow. I’ll probably stay up all night for the 730 one. Why in God’s name would someone find appropriate to have a final or ANY class for that matter at 730 in the morning? It’s obscene! The world would be a better place if the “day” started around ten or 11. Oh well….

The stupid network for the stupid website is down…again. I suppose I got what I have paid for, but it still doesn’t make it any better. And my stupid computer mouse is dying again. The damn thing just eats batteries. That’s ridiculous!

I’ve spent much of today finding new ways of circumventing the proverbial “man.” I’d decided I wanted to create my own background for a page on the X-Files site and that it should contain that classic X. Upon checking the “X-Files” font I had saved on my computer, I realized that the X was nothing like the classic one and the more I looked at the font in comparison to what was on the show, I realized they looked nothing alike! Off I went, searching like a devil, trying to find an adequate X-Files font, when finally I discovered it: Trixie! Trixie, the name of this wonderful font! I shouted with glee, thankful that I’d finally found the needed font. However, glee quickly to turned to confusion which in turn became rage. Trixie, apparently, is some special font that cannot simply be downloaded and used like any normal font, oh no! Trixie was a deluxe font that must be purchased and then downloaded! Of all the impertinent flim flams in this world! How could anyone charge not 10 dollars, not 20 dollars, but 65 dollars!!!! for a font that should my computer decide it’s had enough and just dies, my 65-dollar font will go down in flames with it? The idea of it was laughable and I would have done so if I wasn’t paralyzed with rage. And thus, my day-long crusade began. What I do find interesting is that the holders of this 65-dollar font would display crystal clear images of each character of said font, and display it in such a format that would allow easy downloading. I suppose the sellers could not possibly imagine someone taking the time to download each image separately, download a free program which will take said images and turn them into a perfect Windows and Mac-enabled font, and go through the painstaking process of creating a new font from the downloaded images, all out of principle and spite…

All that’s left now is to size my new and improved Trixe font properly and I will have saved myself 65 dollars. True the better part of a day has been spent to this crusade, but good things come to the patient and the willful. Anyone, could have pulled out a credit card and pushed a few buttons to acquire this grail, but only someone who could continuously grind her teeth saying, “It’s the principle of the thing!” would be able to screw over those who feel that charging 65 dollars for something that could be easily recreated is anything but reprehensible, by offering said item for free on her website.

**changing the world, one minor injustice at a time**